Holy Crap!!!!

Ladies and Gentlemen,

It has been almost three years since I have written in this blog. Looking back, it is almost like reading someone else's diary. What is most amazing to me is that through all this struggle, I never imagined that I would end up on this side. Although I am still in a financial pickle - I am happy, secure, confident and aware of myself in a way that gives me hope for the future. Pretty far fetched from the girl that wanted to tuck her tail between her legs at any mention of confrontation and sucked her thumb in self-pity. I think that it is time you heard stories of some triumph instead of all the wallowing. So - I am just going to fill you in on a few things that have been happening - if I had more time (I am about to go see KDTU at the El Rey) I would really tell you EVERYTHING. For now - here are the highlights 1) my EP is finished and I am so proud - I have been searching craigslist every day for opportunities to spread my wings. So far this has been fairly fruitful. 1) I may be doing a recording project a la a white Sharon Jones 2) I am filming a scene in an indie movie on Monday lip synching to one of my tracks and through other connections - I have gotten myself into a Bessie Smith tribute show that has been already written up in Flavorpill and the LA Weekly. Oh yeah - I forgot - I met a DJ that loved my shit and she wants to put me on her show. THings are good. Life is good. I can't remember what it is like to be kissed, but it just doesn't matter. Seriously. Had my cards and my palms read (yes palms as in plural - both) last week and didn't really want to know about romance - my focus is totally on my career right now. I am fine with it. I am fine with where I am and where I am going. I have been very busy planting so many seeds and realizing that I need to have patientce and earn every step that I climb on the ladder. This may seem simplistic to you, but for me, it is years in the making.

OK - have to go change. Have a wonderful Saturday night!

Na-na

Respect

How do you earn respect from people? Is it from respecting them first, being a bitch and scaring people into respecting you? Or could it be that in order to gain respect from others, you need to first respect yourself. I have always had a bit of a problem with my students taking me seriously. I am smiley and goof around in class and like the kids to have a good time. BUT I also want them to work hard and be focussed. Usually I can get this done, but with freshman it is really difficult to make that change. You are not allowed to openly dislike students as a teacher. Everyday you are supposed to enter the classroom and pretend that they haven't disrespected you the day before, talked underneath their breath about you, walked in 15 minutes late without an excuse or any remorse or haven't turned in their homework in ages. You are supposed to smile and them and encourage them and you know what? I am done. I cannot wait for next year to start so I can lay my foot down and show them who is boss. It is so hard to be a new teacher - you are trying so hard to find your footing and figure everything out and while that is happening - students are counting on your to ground them and they are constantly judging you and waiting,watching to see when and if you will make a mistake. Now, insert privileged, bratty, entitled kids and multiply that by 100. It makes it hard to want to work hard and create amazing programs when no one appreciates it or takes it seriously. I miss public school. I miss being a rock for kids who have no one. I miss being able to guide lost souls in their search for themselves and their purpose. It just doesn't happen like that here. Sorry - I know that this isn't witty or snarky, but I felt like venting. Summer vacation is right around the corner - I have less than two weeks left with my seniors - it all seems so fast.

On another note, I got a call from my newest jdate friend who affectionately called me "psycho girl" on my voice mail. I may call him back this evening before Maj and see what he wants, but I don't want to be the one to ask him out. I want him to see that I am more than a crazy bad girl. I guess, I want a little respect.

I'll be back with the funny...promise

Na-na

The Boot

Even when we do the right thing, there is always room left over for some bad behavior. It is not that I (or my roommate for that matter) am a bad girl, it is just that there are better things to do in life than to comply with every DMV related order. It is with this in mind that I tell you the following tale. I was on a jdate last Sunday and had a great time, although it started out rather strangely. I was asked for ID and I pulled out my NYS license. I joked that I was still illegal and that I needed to switch my plates as well. My date then informed me that I had better get an attorney before I go to the DMV because he had a friend in my sitch once who almost went to jail. We joked about it, but I had a feeling that he was thinking I had a screw loose somewhere (which I do.) The rest of the date went well (I thought) we laughed at each other's jokes for two hours and he ordered Buffalo style chicken fingers (they were gross) in my honor and at the end of the date I said "You probably think I'm crazy" and he said "Yeah, but hot.) So that was positive....he sends me a response email to my thank you note I sent and joked that I was going to be in Prison soon, but it was OK because I had a great smile. I had actually convinced myself before I got his email that I blew it with this guy because of my DMV record and my lack of ability to follow the rules like I was supposed to. Then this morning I was heading into the shower when I heard the front door open. I got nervous because my roommate had already left and the phantom roommate wouldn't come in the morning - who could it be? I peeked my head out of the bathroom with a tentative "hello?" It was Mona - my roommate. "My car's been booted." Now she calls everything bad booty so I thought her car died or something so I asked her again "My car was booted - I owed a bunch of tickets and they booted my car!" She then went on to tell me how she waited too long last year to get her registration renewed and she got a letter that she was going to be arrested and had to pay $1600!! "That sucks" I replied, but truth be told, as I headed into the shower I smiled to myself because here was another very intelligent, together woman who has shunned conformity and neglected to play by the DMV's rules. She (who gets free oil changes and snacks at 7-11 cause she's hot) pouted and said "The DMV hates me!" So now it is time for me to pay the piper and go down to the DMV and get my life sorted. I am just glad I have my tax rebates to help me pay or else I might be put in the clink. I was really hoping to spend my georgie porgie money on some fabulous new accessories and maybe a vocal mike and an electric guitar or a trip to Philly this summer. Nope. Looks like my stimulus package is going right back into the governments hands. Does anyone think that the fees imposed by our government for parking violations and registrations are a bit ridiculous????

OK - I am off to change my clothes and go hike Runyan - I love having a few extra hours to myself on Fridays.

More tomorrow - Na-na

I am back!

Hey folks,

In case you ever check this page I am back after a five month hiatus. So much to write - I had an interesting thought today about borts or diamond dust. Even though borts are diamonds that are too small to be inserted or implanted in jewlery, in fact they are still diamonds. I think that is a great thought to carry with us; that even though we may not be big enough to shine or show off as representatives of someone's affection (or guilt, pride etc), we are all still diamonds.

Lata folks!

Na-na

Back in action

Hello out there -

sorry it has been so long since I have written - I guess loosing my anonymity and then writing my book took away from the fun of the blog, but it is about time I took it back up. Things are pretty crazy right now and I am trying to hold it together. Financially, I am beginning to face the reality of my imperfect lifestyle and as much as I think I have been sacrificing over the past year and a half - I am going to have to cut out even more - which really stinks. I am trying to weigh the weather and topography of California with the comfort of having a stable base on the east coast and whether or not I should stick around. I am just not sure I want to start all over again. I am also not sure I want to be so far away. This time I am going to think about it for a while - try to get my finances settled - try to figure out what I am going to do about my living situation and how I am going to be able to part with all of my beautiful furniture - even though in the end it is just stuff.

On a lighter note - Saturday night I had the end of the season kickball party. We were supposed to get on a bus and go on a bar crawl, but the bus didn't show up for almost two hours - so we all stood on the corner and drank. I decided to down an entire bottle of champagne almost by myself and then we had more to drink on the bus. It wasn't pretty. I don't remember too much - although I know I kissed two different boys - who are both playing on the team we play tonight. OOPS. What was I thinking. It got very awkard at the end of the night when they both jumped into the cab with me. I jumped out and ran to my car - I did not play that very well at all. So now I need to brave the traffic and head home to change for kickball. Tomorrow is another long day at school and I am hoping to get things settled before I go home for Thanksgiving.

Thank you to everyone that showed up at the shiva house for my grandmother. I really appreciate it.

Lots of love,

Nana

Laboring on Labor Day

Hello out there in cyberland.

I hope everyone is having a fabulous holiday weekend. Here in LA it is hotter than a heat wave in hell! After a fabulous brunch of the greatest French toast I have ever eaten (seriously, it was worth going anti-macro for) I spent the day grading papers (which I also did last night until midnight) and have been enjoying the airconditioning of my little house while I plan for tomorrow's classes.

Saturday I was referenced to a potential "set up" as the average Jewish girl. The match maker told me she hoped I wasn't offended. I told her no, but the comment has been bothering me ever since - I am sooo vain. The next morning I woke up and went for a hike. As I made way for an older man to come up where I was coming down he said to me "keep up the exercise." Hmmm do I look that bad AND is it such a horrible thing to be labled average? I thought I was over all of that superficial/physical bullshit after last year only to have it thrown in my face two days in a row. But this morning on my way to the Griddle, I slipped on my size 6 white pants to spite my matchmaker and that old man on the hill.

I have to admit that besides for Saturday, it has been a lonely weekend, but something inside of me is saying to enjoy it now since I may not be this lonely again! Oooh I am watching the end of Hamlet now...the part of the play called The Catastophe where Hamlet and Laertes duel and everyone dies! Such good drama.

I apologize for the lack of drama in my own life, but from now on I'll let the characters of fictional literature have all the fun!

Later,
Na-na

I am back!

Hello out there in cyberland! I am back in LA after five weeks back east and I have already started a new life out here. My time back east was amazing: I got to kiss a boy I've wanted to kiss for a few years, slept with an old flame that put the flame out in my head and said goodbye to a love that wouldn't die in my heart. It was like doing spring cleaning in my romantic room and I feel great! I also got to see my grandma a lot - and get over the creepy old ladies in the home who scream at you in their delerium and ask you for help (even though they don't know what it is that they need help with.) I prayed that my grandma didn't turn into one of these ladies everytime I left the room - it is sort of like if a tree falls in the woods. I like to believe that she is the only sane one in the place - but like McMurphy in OFOACCN...it is not always fun to be the only one who is sane. I, personally do not have that problem anywhere I go :).

So many stories, but I am going to leave those in Buffalo since I am starting a fresh here in LA LA Land. Last night there was a huge festival down my street - I had been wanting to go for a year - since I moved in right after it last year. It was jam packed with little hipsters who worked really hard on putting together funky,vintage outfits and getting really high. I was dressed like a jap and felt old and out of place - It was waaaay too hot to dress in vintage (at least the stuff that I have) and I don't need to put on a costume anymore to feel cool. Seriously, it was over 100 degrees yesterday and I just wanted to be as naked as possible. It was good to look at the young crowd and not feel envy over their youth, beauty or the fun drugs that they were on. I was very happy to be me, at my age, in my outfit and totally, 100% sober. I ran into some friends and we had as much fun as we could, but being old fogies, we were more concerned about the health and safety regulations than the music coming out of Ben Harper's guitar.

I started my new job - it is going to be a very different place from my last school and it is worlds away from Hollywood. Both good. I am looking forward to finding a niche for myself where I can write and work and not force either one. This tuesday I am going to see the Beastie Boys play an all instrumental show at the Wiltern - which I hear is a great venue! I think(for the moment) I have successfully left all the crackies and their posse behind me. Crackie #2 gets back from Europe on my b-day and then she is moving to NYC in November. I miss having her around, but at the same time it gives me the freedom to do what I want with whom I want and to meet new people as well. That's fucked up isn't it? Weird kind of friendship. Hmmmm

OK - I am off to go see La Vie en Rose and then maybe a pool party, although I am remis to move my car since the parking sitch here is nuts because of the festival. Last night, the good doctor tried to come and meet up at the fair and spent an hour driving around looking for parking and then gave up and drove another hour home - that made 3 hours in the car for him. Pretty sucky.

Everyone have a great Sunday. I promise to be much better about updating the blog (Heddy) and I will have great stories with new characters I promise. I just joined a co-ed kickball league so that should be great fodder.

Until then,

Na-na