Back in action

Hello out there -

sorry it has been so long since I have written - I guess loosing my anonymity and then writing my book took away from the fun of the blog, but it is about time I took it back up. Things are pretty crazy right now and I am trying to hold it together. Financially, I am beginning to face the reality of my imperfect lifestyle and as much as I think I have been sacrificing over the past year and a half - I am going to have to cut out even more - which really stinks. I am trying to weigh the weather and topography of California with the comfort of having a stable base on the east coast and whether or not I should stick around. I am just not sure I want to start all over again. I am also not sure I want to be so far away. This time I am going to think about it for a while - try to get my finances settled - try to figure out what I am going to do about my living situation and how I am going to be able to part with all of my beautiful furniture - even though in the end it is just stuff.

On a lighter note - Saturday night I had the end of the season kickball party. We were supposed to get on a bus and go on a bar crawl, but the bus didn't show up for almost two hours - so we all stood on the corner and drank. I decided to down an entire bottle of champagne almost by myself and then we had more to drink on the bus. It wasn't pretty. I don't remember too much - although I know I kissed two different boys - who are both playing on the team we play tonight. OOPS. What was I thinking. It got very awkard at the end of the night when they both jumped into the cab with me. I jumped out and ran to my car - I did not play that very well at all. So now I need to brave the traffic and head home to change for kickball. Tomorrow is another long day at school and I am hoping to get things settled before I go home for Thanksgiving.

Thank you to everyone that showed up at the shiva house for my grandmother. I really appreciate it.

Lots of love,

Nana

Laboring on Labor Day

Hello out there in cyberland.

I hope everyone is having a fabulous holiday weekend. Here in LA it is hotter than a heat wave in hell! After a fabulous brunch of the greatest French toast I have ever eaten (seriously, it was worth going anti-macro for) I spent the day grading papers (which I also did last night until midnight) and have been enjoying the airconditioning of my little house while I plan for tomorrow's classes.

Saturday I was referenced to a potential "set up" as the average Jewish girl. The match maker told me she hoped I wasn't offended. I told her no, but the comment has been bothering me ever since - I am sooo vain. The next morning I woke up and went for a hike. As I made way for an older man to come up where I was coming down he said to me "keep up the exercise." Hmmm do I look that bad AND is it such a horrible thing to be labled average? I thought I was over all of that superficial/physical bullshit after last year only to have it thrown in my face two days in a row. But this morning on my way to the Griddle, I slipped on my size 6 white pants to spite my matchmaker and that old man on the hill.

I have to admit that besides for Saturday, it has been a lonely weekend, but something inside of me is saying to enjoy it now since I may not be this lonely again! Oooh I am watching the end of Hamlet now...the part of the play called The Catastophe where Hamlet and Laertes duel and everyone dies! Such good drama.

I apologize for the lack of drama in my own life, but from now on I'll let the characters of fictional literature have all the fun!

Later,
Na-na

I am back!

Hello out there in cyberland! I am back in LA after five weeks back east and I have already started a new life out here. My time back east was amazing: I got to kiss a boy I've wanted to kiss for a few years, slept with an old flame that put the flame out in my head and said goodbye to a love that wouldn't die in my heart. It was like doing spring cleaning in my romantic room and I feel great! I also got to see my grandma a lot - and get over the creepy old ladies in the home who scream at you in their delerium and ask you for help (even though they don't know what it is that they need help with.) I prayed that my grandma didn't turn into one of these ladies everytime I left the room - it is sort of like if a tree falls in the woods. I like to believe that she is the only sane one in the place - but like McMurphy in OFOACCN...it is not always fun to be the only one who is sane. I, personally do not have that problem anywhere I go :).

So many stories, but I am going to leave those in Buffalo since I am starting a fresh here in LA LA Land. Last night there was a huge festival down my street - I had been wanting to go for a year - since I moved in right after it last year. It was jam packed with little hipsters who worked really hard on putting together funky,vintage outfits and getting really high. I was dressed like a jap and felt old and out of place - It was waaaay too hot to dress in vintage (at least the stuff that I have) and I don't need to put on a costume anymore to feel cool. Seriously, it was over 100 degrees yesterday and I just wanted to be as naked as possible. It was good to look at the young crowd and not feel envy over their youth, beauty or the fun drugs that they were on. I was very happy to be me, at my age, in my outfit and totally, 100% sober. I ran into some friends and we had as much fun as we could, but being old fogies, we were more concerned about the health and safety regulations than the music coming out of Ben Harper's guitar.

I started my new job - it is going to be a very different place from my last school and it is worlds away from Hollywood. Both good. I am looking forward to finding a niche for myself where I can write and work and not force either one. This tuesday I am going to see the Beastie Boys play an all instrumental show at the Wiltern - which I hear is a great venue! I think(for the moment) I have successfully left all the crackies and their posse behind me. Crackie #2 gets back from Europe on my b-day and then she is moving to NYC in November. I miss having her around, but at the same time it gives me the freedom to do what I want with whom I want and to meet new people as well. That's fucked up isn't it? Weird kind of friendship. Hmmmm

OK - I am off to go see La Vie en Rose and then maybe a pool party, although I am remis to move my car since the parking sitch here is nuts because of the festival. Last night, the good doctor tried to come and meet up at the fair and spent an hour driving around looking for parking and then gave up and drove another hour home - that made 3 hours in the car for him. Pretty sucky.

Everyone have a great Sunday. I promise to be much better about updating the blog (Heddy) and I will have great stories with new characters I promise. I just joined a co-ed kickball league so that should be great fodder.

Until then,

Na-na

Waiting for my fifty dollar phone call...

Good Morning everyone...

Tomorrow is July 4th - people are giddily planning beach parties and fireworks displays, but not me. I could give a shit. Sitting at home waiting for the temp agencies to call me for a possible job that pays 10 dollars an hour and only lasts 1/2 the day. I can't go anywhere in the mornings and be productive because if they call me I have to be ready and go withing a few minutes. So today my window is a half hour more - then I am going to go to the gym and do some work for school. I have two brand new courses to put together - that is a lot of planning and a lot of reading as well. Yesterday I finally got called in to be a receptionist at a new Gay television network. Everyone was very nice, but they treat you like you have mental retardation because as a temp, there must be something wrong with you. If I was normal and intelligent, I wouldn't be answering phones and sorting press clippings. This has been the status quo of my life so far in LA. I thought it had finally ended with SAA until they coldly fucked me three ways till Tuesday. I hope that company goes down in flames.

Had a fun weekend. I went with the good doctor to try to get into the Widespread Panic show downtown. It was the last night of a sold-out three night run at a small, but historic theater. I couldn't give a rats ass about Widespread, but I live five minutes from downtown and it was something to do. The crackies were going to a big rave downtown which (aside from being with crackie #1) is not my idea of a good time. We waited a few hours outside passively hoping we could score some tickets. I personally had $20.00 to my name so you can imagine I wasn't trying that hard to get in. The GD has a friend who is a ticket guy - he gave us copies of someone's tickets and although it made me feel dirty, we attempted to get into the concert that way. Fortunately, it didn't work and I didn't have to show my fake stub to anyone since I was still being searched. My goody-goody instincts kicked in and I was so relieved that I didn't have to lie and try ot cheat the system - although f you add up all the ticketbastard fees I have paid over the years, I should have some frequent flier bonus miles in there for some free tickets!! We went around the building looking for a secret entrance to the outside smoking area, but it was well guarded. The scalper tried to bribe our way in but the guard there was having a serious moral dilemma and did not want to loose his job. I told them both that since I was desperate for a job - I could not be the cause of some guy loosing his - then I would never get lucky (they do connect I promise). Anyway - after a few drinks we went back to the back door man and he told us the heat was on and it wasn't going to happen. Relieved again we headed back to the bar where I sipped on champagne and listened with detached interest to the conversations of people who had no other interests in their lives except for music and going to concerts. I felt another wave of relief that I had finally gotten over that phase of my life, and that if pressed for conversation I could certainly discuss more than that time at Rich Stadium when Steve Miller opened up for The Dead and....

9:41....the odds of getting called are lessening by the minute. At this point, by the time I drive the hour to wherever the west side office is and park, I am not making any money and what is the point???? Grrrr damn that crazy British bitch! I have to submit another chapter sketch to my writing group by Saturday night so maybe I should get cracking on that too while I am sitting here in front of my computer.

I have to pay my bills today, but I know that once I do I won't have any money left and that scares the shit out of me. Keep your fingers crossed people.

Love,
Na-na

Just when things were looking good...

So I thought I had it made. Back at the agency for the rest of the summer - making enough money to pay my bills and have some left over to save for August. But life came along and laughed inthe face of my complancency and naivite. Friday evening - when all the prinicpals in the agency were in Europe or NYC, I was called int the biz manager's office (who only works one day a week and is clueless) and she tells me that this is going to be my last day. She tells me this at the very end of the day - when it is too late to scramble to get something together for Monday. Bitch - with NO explanation and NO warning. I had a verbal agreement to stay through July. I am so frustrated and so tired of the scramble for money and for jobs. The fact that I only have five weeks to work makes it difficult for me to find anything. Many of you (all of you in fact) reading this can judge all you want and say - get out there and find something, but I have been living with this precarious circumstance for a YEAR and it is fucking exhausting and has not allowed me any time off all year. I appreciate that I have somewhere to go in August and thank god for that, but I still need to get my needs met through August and right now I am so burne dout on working 10 hour days for less than 100.00...getting $400.00 bucks a week is little motivation although I don't have much of a choice. So I slept in Topanga Canyon last night, had a relaxing evening - did my laundry (which is so much better than a Laundry Mat) and am farting around. I am allowed to fart around. Don't know why I am getting so defensive - I am just tired of the struggle - which yeah yeah yeah I created.

This is week two of no dairy, sugar, booze, cigarettes and diet soda. So far so good.

OK - I am going to check out the application for subsitute teaching and see if I can fanagle my way into the system.

mahalo!

Na-na

Clean from the inside out!

Como Vay! That's protugeuse for what's up yo!

I have so much to share. As you might have read over the course of the year - I have been struggling to find my center - and my purpose here in good ol LA LA land. While on this journey I have met some strange folksies and have finally stood up for my sanity and kicked Cracky #1 to the curb. I know some of you are thinking, yeah right, we are going to read another post where you make up and hang out at Runyan, but no. We are not in a fight. That Friday night dinner I had, while lovely and fun was the last straw. She pulled me onto the porch and told me that she wasn't having any fun at the party and essentially it was all my fault beacuse I had an agenda (getting into this njb/manwhore's pants.) I told her that my only agenda was for everyone to have a nice time and she went off on me telling me what a horrible person I was and what a looser I was - how I was never going to do anything with my life etc... We had a very intense discussion about who we were as friends and people. I decided right then and there that we were just too different froom the core on up to be friends anymore and that I had no reason to listen to her bullshit drivel anymore! So I wrote her an email thanking her for the goodtimes and telling her that I wasn't sure that I could be friends with anyone so cruel. She told #2 that I broke her heart and was sobbing for a few days (she told me her mother had a heart attack when she really didn't and was attacking me for not running to her when I found out.) Really I don't care anymore because I feel much better without her in my life - like I am finally free to be myself and it is a beautiful thing.

I have been doing a lot of reading on the Macrobiotic way of life and it makes so much sense to me - especially in light of all my other spiritual pursuits so today is day three of no dairy - no sugar and I feel great! Wait a few months and I am going to be so clean, dirt wont even stick as I walk by.

This past weekend was fantastic. The girls and I went to the Hollywood Forever cemetary to watch Rebel Without A CAuse. It was so fun. There were almost 5,000 peeps there all chilling out, drinking wine and laughing at the homoerotic undertones that riffle their way through the film. Then Sunday Aimee and I went to this BRazil fest thing at the Ford - which is this tiny little Ampitheatre int he hollywood hills. The place was packed with authentic Brasilians and they were all so happy and free and damn damn sexay - people were dancing in the ailes and on stage as well. Aimee pulled a dead head move and we snuck on stage and samba'd till it hurt - really. I was giddy from all the dancing and so want to travel to Brazil and feel all that giddy freedom first hand. As much as I love being Jewish - I hate that we come with all these neuroses about our bodies and sex.

Only 6 more weeks to go at the Agency. Yesterday an X-xfile came in trying to look 20 years younger - it was a bit uncomfortable. I think he got hair extensions or something. Nice guy though. Don't think he got the job - they don't want to pay much for the spot. Planning a girls weekend in San Fran for the end of July...that is something to look forward to. In the meantime I am enjoying eating healthy and standing up for myself.

Lots of love from LA - nana

In June I truly think it's best...

Good evening. It has been a while since I have updated this blog, but today was such a meshugena day that I thought I would give it a shot if I could get internet access when I got home. Where to begin? Well I thought I would attempt to have an adult dinner party, but evidently I invited all the wrong people because once again, it turned into a middle school drama and I feel like I am stuck in this random box that is covered in mirrors and not letting me out! Not sure I want to get into too many details - it is embarassing how juvenile the whole thing is but I invited cracky 1 out of pity or as a defense in case she found out later I had a dinner party and didn't invite her...well she assumed that invited her cuckolded boyfriend which I didn't - major drama ensued but we worked it out. Then another invited party invited her friend without asking...this was the girl from the cinqo de mayo party that made everyone feel uncomfortable by hooking up with everyone's freind right in front of us the whole night when it was just a small group. People - if you are hanging out in a small group - do NOT lay claim on someone - especially if he is the only single man at the party and grope all over him and make everyone else uncomfortable...wait until you are alone for gods sakes! So cracky #2 s very upset that this girl is coming because she wanted to flirt with the guy in question and cheat on her boyfriend...which she will regret once she decides that she is back in love with the European boy toy...really there is so much other drama that goes along with this but I am not going to get into it.

This was the first month that I really did not have money for the rent. Mostly because I was told to pay the people that could ruin my credit first, but that left me very behind and the fact that it is going to take weeks of pay to catch up and then start all over again trying to find $$ for july and all those July bills - very stressful. How do people raise entire families on nothing? This year has been an amazing eye opener for me. Wow. So I sucked up my pride and called the voice over place withthe crazy lady and I got work there next week for twice what I have been making at the Hallmark channel - which is great. I may have work at a tutoring center but not sure yet...the heb school is sending me a signed contract in the mail so that I know it is real and I don;t have to slit my wrists or move back home - this is all good news. Somehow I am going to make it through the next three months...not sure how but I will. The chicken soup I am making smells a little funny..I tried a different way than usual (OK the other two times in my life I have made it.) I guess the fact that none of my guests for shabbos dinner are Jewish should make the soup factor moot....but still I want it to taste like grandmas!

Sorry that I don't have the patience to tell you more - nor do I think you have the patience to sit through it all...but sat the rooftop of the standard is having a party with free jello shots and on sunday DJ logic is playing a free show with Ozomatli downtown and then I am going to see Ben Folds and John Mayer at the hollywood bowl. Not a bad weekend.

Happy Friday and Shabbatshaboner!

na-na

I'm full of shit.

I am eating breakfast (after a great morning of riding the peeler all over for errands) and listening to Debbie Friedman singing and crying my eyes out because I am not at camp right now having saturday morning services and eating coffee cake.

I hope you can feel my heart reaching out across the miles to hang out with you guys.

Na-na

Going back to the beginning

Friday night. I just got out of seeing Pirates...first movie I have seen in months. I snuck into the (full price) matinee after work today. It was pure escapism and probably would have been a bit better had I not been relegated to the second row, but I do love seeing movies in LA. Since I was seeing the afterschool special version, the audience was filled with teeny boppers that didn't get the jokes and did not recognize nor did they appreciate the presence of Keith Richards as Jack Sparrow's father - genius!!!!!!!! Although I haven't updated this thing in weeks I came to the computer tonight to write for real and this is just a way to procrastinate. I must confess something...I have been holding back on you. So much has happened that I am not telling you because the anonymity of this blog is compromised and therefore I don't feel as free to reveal certain events like I used to. Don't get me wrong - I love that you guys read this - it just would be easier to let go and vent if it were strangers reading as well...I guess I will have to find an alternative venue for that. Speaking of which - I have been invited to join a writing group. The problem is that the minute the opportunity presented itself I became creatively stunted and feel like I have nothing new, different or interesting to say or even how to say it if for some reason I had thought of something new, different or interesting.

So here I am with my 11 pages of script that I wrote in a fury in August while at the good doctors before my computer died - it is staring at me - mocking me for not having the right software to format and the training to write it well. Still, I am going to smooth it out over the next day or so and turn it in as my first sample to test the waters so to speak. I have to reassess my book before I send it to anyone - it is such a big endeavor - somehow a script seems easier to handle.

I am also sitting here on a Friday night waiting for cracky #1 to call me from the west side after taking one of her Promises friends to get a pee test. Did I want to come with? No thanks. I just do not have the energy to drive all the way down to Santa Monica after my day with my brother. Yes - I actually had a visitor! He came in Wed night - we went to the Dresden Room for dinner which is kind of like eating inside a time machine - the food included. With its large, round, white leather booths, red meat and potatos menue and kiss ass waiters(not to mention the lounge music coming from the other side of the restaurant) you might as well be stuck in time. The next day I took him to Runyan and he was quite impressive - pushing me to sprint down the staircase...he is in training for Kilimanjaro! We went for a beautiful walk in my neighborhood - which sadly I have not done since January - then he met cracky#1 when we went for lunch at this little French cafe in the village. It was an interesting merging of worlds to say the least. After that we drove down to the beach and then went for sushi before I took him to the airport. See what you guys can enjoy if you come to visit??

I am thinking about the camp reunion and am happy in a strange way that I am not there. Sound weird? Well I have been so entrenched in that world and as much as I loved it - it is suffocating and this is proof positive that I have gotten away from that and allowed myself space to become something new. Don't get me wrong - I am not talking about the company by any means...I will have to think about this some more so I can express it better. Read between the lines however - you may get what I am talking about.

Here is a nice metephor to leave you with tonight:
You know what - I wrote this long story about my grandma going into the home this spring - but it isn't necessary. Bottom line is - sometimes what you think is your worse case scenerio turns out to the be the best thing for you and suddenly you find yourself where you need to be.

Happy Memorial Day Weekend everyone....Over the course of the next few days take some time out to remember. Memorialize those who have passed - especially in the belief that they were giving their lives for a greater good. What would you lay down your life for?

Na-na

Proud, Proud

So came into work today feeling pretty good. They actually had me doing something which made the day go by faster. I got an email from the head of the Eng. Dept and the Jew School (I will have to come up with a better nick name) anyway - she was telling me how thrilled she was that I am on board and how mortified she was by the low offer. She wanted me to know that they realize they are not paying me what I am worth and that I got screwed because they are having major budget problems and that the other leading candidate was willing to take a lot less money than they were offering me. She said it was a testament to howmuch everyone liked me that they chose to pay more money on a tight budget. Anyone who has ever worked for the JCC can understand that this is somekind of compliment! Anyway whoeveer that kid is that was willing to take MUCH less than me (her caps not mine) screwed me over (her word not mine.) So I emailed back - told her that I was happy she understood how I felt and that I too was shocked since she told me in the first interview that my range would be doable. I also told her I wasn't doing this job for the money as they were offering me less than I made six years ago and 10k less than I was making last year (not totally true but good for my argument.) A few hours later I get an email from the school with a NEW contract with MORE money. HAH! See what advocating for yourself can accomplish??? It isn't a lot more - but it is the principal of the thing and hey - it can only go up from here. I signed the contract and am super excited. I already asked them for the book list and skill set for the freshman so I can start planning my units for the fall. I might as well get all that work out of the way.

Tonight I am meeting this girl I temped with (the one who I saw on good friday) at meditation class - then we are going for a drink at the Dresden. Saturday I am playing in my very first adult kickball league game...I cannot wait - it is a really big thing here in LA - I was invited to be a part of another team, but they play during the week and my hollywood work sched doesn't really fit.

I hope everyone is having a great day. Don't worry about the Sabres. Perhapos they will go quietly into that dark night - or perhaps they will shake off their shawl of complacency and show up to play 60 minutes of kick ass hockey.

lata....

na-na

A quick one

It is late and I should go to bed but I had to write. I was sitting here innocently watching my internet television when I heard my landlord drunkenly scream a vicious tirade to all our neighbors - telling them to fuck themselves and to stop complaining about him or his dog. If any of you have met Tony the hell hound - you know why the neighbors complain. He invited them all to come and suck his dick until it ran dry (I thought that was friendly) then he screamed (slurred) if they want to come kill his dog, just come and kill him and lots more fucks. It was pretty scary.

On a happier note I got the teaching job at the Hebrew Day school today. The pay stinks - worse than my first year at sweethome, but it is steady pay and full benefits and 1/2 days on Fridays. With all the vacation time it has to be worth it. I will make money another way. I am not sure how right now, but it will come. They want me to go there tomorrow and sign a contract, but I don't know how I am going to get there with work - since I got the Hallmark channel to let me leave early today. I will see if they can fax it. I knew that private schools didn't pay well but it still pays over 10k more than any entertainment job - even the better ones - and those dont have benefits or vacation. I think I am making the better choice because it is allowing me to have a stable base from which I can create a real life for myself - a home. Wow that whole landlord thing really freaked me out. I hate when people fly off the handle and threaten violence. gee- wonder why.

Oh yeah - the Sabres lost tonight. Getting the job put sports into perspective for me....there is so much more to life than having a championship team. Why is it so difficult for Buffalo to go the distance? It is because we want it so badly - we have all deluded ourselves into thinking that we need it - in order to prove ourselves worthy to the rest of the nation. I overheard someone at the bar the other day actually say that if Buffalo won the Stanley Cup it would improve our economy and revitalize the city. We are all deluded. It is just a game. Now get rid of the graft and the dirty politicians and the nepotism...well then we may just have some civic healing.

Getting off my soapbox now.

I could tell you a cracky story but I am going to refrain. Time to dream of days when I will be able to pay my bills and my paychecks are direct deposit.

Na-na

Boredom

So what does one do with boredom at work. I have what the French call Enniyeuse (I butchered the spelling.) But mostly a general boredom. I am so sick of these temp jobs with zero expectations and little to do. I thrive in fast-paced environments - well at least I say that on my resume. But seriously you know I love me some chaos and this Hallmark Channel place is filled with normal, nice people that don't ask me to do anything. I have to say that there is the coolest coffee machine in the kitchen that I have been making full use of. Everyone here comes late, leaves early and dresses poorly. Not very hollywood at all - but it is somewhere to go everyday and I make almost 80 bucks after taxes - that should not even come close to paying my billls!!!

The fire is mostly put out and I have been playing the guy role with that dude from the other night - he has texted me twice and I have mostly ignored him. I asked Cracky #1 if I was being a bitch and she replied that no, I wasn't considering that he sells shammys. That is right - this Scientologist with a very large and strange mole on his inside thigh works at mall kiosks selling shammys. Not exactly my dream man, but hey - we can't all be winners in the lover lottery. He WAS really cute.

I am on my way out for an after work hike. Everyone is gone already - what kind of office is this - with only you guys to talk to.

I promise I will try to get into a bit more trouble over the weekend so I can share my salacious tales with all of you.

Na-na

Now that's a fire!

My head is still buzzing from the smoke inhalation. If you have been watching the news at all today then you know that there is a fire in my hood. In fact - right where I was hiking on Saturday. Today as I was coming home from my interview at TV Guide I looked to the left and saw that the hills of Griffith park were on fire. It looked like the apocolypse - there was black, orange and yellow smoke billowing into the sky - much bigger than your typical brush fire. I discovered this new, very cheap sushi place - thank goodness and went home to check emails, eat and catch up on my online television. I went to meditation class and when I walked out at 8pm, I looked over and noticed that the fire had gotten much worse. Instead of walking to my car I started walking towards the fire like a zombie. It might have been my lack of sleep or my recent meditative state, but I just started going north. I looked around and noticed that there was an unusal number of people out on the street and most of them were also moving xombie like towards the fire, phones and cameras on hand snapping and chatting away as the throng moved slowly towards the smoke. It smelled good really - like a giant bonfire because the only things burning were natural plant life, but now that my head is throbbing I am thinking that I stayed out in it too long. I walked all the way up to the corner of Hillhurst and Los Feliz Boulevard where the entrance is to the park. There were dozens of people at the corner - eating icecream, taking pictures and genuinely feeling a part of the moment. They closed off the streets and cop car after cop car came rolling through - not sure exactly what their purpose was. There were at least 5-8 helicopters flying around the fire - I can still hear them now. SOme were dropping things on teh fire and others were news copters trying to get a story. I stood there and then called Julie K to see if they were Ok because they live further north than I do I think, but they are further east so untouched. Julie and her husband were actually in the car right near me so that they could get a good look at the action. I hung up with them and started to work my way back down the street to go home finally and get some much needed sleep. On my way there I bumped into them - we talked for about a minute and they took off. My friend Aimee - ever the journalist was driving ton from echo park to see if she could get a story for her radio show. I walked down the hill again and got a sanwhich at subway - sat down on a curb and had a little picnic as I watched the hillside in flames. Everyone was out - people were desperate for human connection - to meet their neighbors. It was fascinating and reminded me a lot of New York after 911 - only a lot less tragic. Finally Aimee showed up and we got some gelato and walked back up the hill to get a story. By the time we got down there the air was really bad and the fire had moved east - even the news trucks were packing up. We walked back into the village and searched for my car for a while (It had been over three hours since I parked it so I sort of forgot where it was in all the excitement.) We basically then walked all the way home to where she was parked and then drove around th evillage where we eventually found my car - almost exactly where I thought it was the first time around. It was amazing to me how many people called and texted me to make sure that I was OK. That made me feel so good to know that people cared. So many people offered me a place to stay in case I was evacuated. Wow. That is just so special and I feel really lucky to have such great people in my life here. Let it be known that one of them was cracky #1 who told me that no matter what time of night I could call her up and come over. Huh? See she is a really good person. Anyway I am finally home and wanted to write about it while it was fresh in my mind and the helicopters were still swirling. It amazed me what nonchalance people carried themselves with tonight. I called it the Nero factor as everyone (myself included) wandered around eating gelato or sitting outside at cafes eating dinner as the hills burned to the north. People were nonplussed and I think it really increased business on the street tonight. I don't normally hang around the village at night but I think I should start to because it was alive with activity and beautiful men! I really need to go to bed now - It is almost midnight and I have to start a new assignment tomorrow. There is so much more I want to tell you - I took some good pictures but they are on my phone and I dont know how to put those on line. You will just have to find a way to see me so I can show them to you. It was this beautiful, destructive thing. I was transifxed and as sad as I am about the park, I am glad that I was a part of a community tonight. I felt like those were my neighbors and my hills that were burning and so finally - I feel like I have arrived.

Bon Soir.
Layla Tov.

Na-na

There is a man in my bed

Good Morning,

ahhhh what a weekend - it has turned into a four day festival of fun. There is nothing better than a weekend where nothing is planned - it always turns out to be something special. Friday night I stayed in and re-did my resume, although last night I ended up going back to my original. Saturday I went for a quick hike up in Griffith park and I discovered a new trail that will be perfect to run on. Now I just have to get my tushy there and start running! I went with Ng the ex bf and Cracky #2 to a cinqo de mayo party. We spent the whole night in our bathing suits drinking beer in this girl's hot tub. I can think of worse ways to spend a saturday. Hillarity ensued and the party lasted through sunday afternoon. After all that fun time I didn't want to be alone so C#2 and I went into the village - bought some vintage and had a pinkberry. We then drove to Echo Park to meet my friend from Nichols for dinner at a restaurant with no sign. We hadn't slept yet and were wandering around like assholes - which would have been fine if it wasn't such a sketchy neighborhood. Finally - we got there and it was this tiny little place and all the food was vegan/organic and some of it raw. It was sooo delicious and all the workers there were beautiful hipsters. C#2 wasn't too crazy about the raw food - I think she is more of a cheeseburger gal. We ended up renting the worst movie - The Libertine - with Johnny Depp - I thought it was going to be great and it was terribel - or maybe that was the lack of sleep. I will have to watch it again just to make sure.

Yesterday I had off so C#1 and I went down to the beach to rollerblade. It was so fun and I wore my pink leater bikini top and a shirty short short mini skirt. I have never done that before - what a different way to go down the beach! After we finished we drove to a sober living facility to pick up her friends in rehab to take them back to the beach for lunch. None of them have cars because they sold them all for crack. LOvely. Most of the girls were nice execpt this one crackhead from Ohio. You can tel that she must have been the biggest bitch on crack and that she is missing the pipe a lot. Like A Million Little Pieces - she has to get her wisdom teeth taken out and she can't have anesthetic with real drugs in them. OUCH. I guess I would be in a bad mood too. I asked her if she had read the book and she looked at me like I was craazy - like "Bitch - crackheads don't read!" We dropped th esober girls off and went to a bar on Main Stret for a drink - the live in showed up with a friend and C#2 came as well. We were all pooped and sunned out since it was over 90* so we headed home. C#1 had no gas in her car and no money - so we coasted on fumes until we couldn't and she put three dollars into her gas tank. Tht doesn't even cover a full gallon of gas. Thanks George!

I came home thinking I was going to catch up on Gray's Anatomy online when she called me saying that she had to get out of the house - so I showered and met her at our usual place where we did the usual thing and it turned into an evening where I was still up at 6am - though I really didn't want to be. So now I have to figure out a way to tell this guy to get the hell out of my house because I found out I have a job interview or this temp thing at 2.

OK - wish me luck.

and judge not lest we judge ourselves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

na-na

I'm an initiate

Hey there ho there.

What a weekend. For those of you who are not aware, I spent the weekend being spiritual - taking a class how to be a good and happy person. It is just the beginning of a long journey, but I am so excited to see where I go from here. Did you hear that? Me - excited about life and my future. Very good.

Just got the initial unofficial CBEST scores. I guess you need a score of 41 to pass each section even though it is possible to pass with as low as 37 on a section if the other sections make up for it and add up to 123. I got (drumroll please) exactly a 41 on the math - phew! Which means that I passed without the help of my reading or writing sections. This is great news. THis means that unless they are illiterate and can't read the big words I used in my two essays, I have unofficially passed the CBEST and can try to get a job subbing - although it is not that easy and I still have to get transcripts etc which is a pain in the ass.

It is a great relief to know that I may be done with Math forever - unless of course I choose to move to a third state wherein I must take another ridiculous exam. That makes four teaching exams in a row that I did not study for and still passed (at least I passed 2/3 of this one so far.) What does that say about the educational system in this country? Don't you think that all teachers should be challenged in order to be put in front of children? Lawyers and Doctors and Accountants struggle with their board exams...Hell JFK jr. failed the NYS Bar how many times? But folks like me can walk into a teachers exam with no preperation and do fine. Listen I am not saying that I am of average intelligence, because let's face it I'm brighter than the average bear (except when it comes to math) but it should be a bit of a struggle to earn the privilege of teaching.

Cracky #2 is on her way over. I haven't really seen her in the three months that her bf has been in town from Holland. She took him to the airport today and is really bummed out because I think she realizes that she put her whole life on hold for him and let go of all of her relationships. But I already told her that I was hurt so there is no need to make her feel worse about herself - so I told her to come over and I would her feel better.

I promise I will give more details later on my class -

Oh - I got to meet Barak Obama this weekend - a pretty good perk for a volunteer who was working the bathrooms.

Congrats to the Spyceter for being done with Classes forever (until he goes to biz school.)


na-na

And There You Are....

Sometimes you can wonder where your life is - you know, the one you are supposed to be living...and realize that this is it. This is your life and to strain to unwrap yourself from the trappings of it - is to laugh at the universe - because there is no unravelling - It is like when you get a new dvd and you work really hard to take off that plastic wrapping, only to realize that you have mistakenly taken off the cover too in your enthusiasm. So I am stopping to notice that the plastic is off - this is my movie - I bought it, it's already been opened and is ready to watch. It is the watching that is painful -

Yesterday I found out that I didn't get the job with the Lit manager - the one that told me I was the best and asked how old I was and if I was single. I am Ok about it - I knew I wasn't going to end up there and never felt that excited about the job, but the manner in which it was handled was just wrong and made me even more frustrated about Hollywood than I was before. My recruiter told me that they "changed te specs on the job and wanted to go with someone heavier." I guess heavier is hwspeak for someone with more experience. Ummmm to be someone's bitch? I asked her what it was that I was missing but she couldnt answer me because she was full of shit! This was a job that she told me I was allowed to get excited about - that they loved me. When I called last week to see if i could get sent out on more interviews she told me no - to hold on and wait to see if this came through first. BULLSHIT! Then she wanted me to take time out from work so I could sit in her office and talk about what it was that I was doing wrong. Not when I can be making money instead - sorry. I never called to make the appointment. There is not a day that goes by when I do not send my resume out to someone somewhere. TOday - I gave my resume to the company next door to us - what the hell right? They are the producers of Reno 911 - which I think is ridiculous - but people like that shit.

Today at work was really busy for a change. I had a bunch of people come in to record and while I was busy n the booth - Martin Sheen came in and kept giving me the eye like he wanted to talk to me. It wasnt until later tha I realized that he saw me looking at him and talking to the guy in the booth - he probably thought I was talking to him and wanted to know what the hell I was saying. Can I just state for the record that he is the absolute hottest AARP member that I have ever seen? And personally, I'd do him - or at least go out to dinner with him - he is married right? Yeah - just dinner - I bet he would have some great stories to tell. Charlie hasn't come in yet, but I am assuming if he is a younger version of his father????mmmmmmmmm. So yeah, work has some perks and I get to record people and direct them so that they are better cartoon characters or car salesmen.

What else....oh the social life has been a racaus adventure as always, but I am pretty sure that it is time to grow up and change my scene. The problem is that I never meet anyone that is my age or older, bceause they are all married with kids and I am not hanging out at the mommy and me classes and they aren't working with me in the office....so where am I supposed to meet normal people that are my age????

I am supposed to be taking this class that I put a big deposit down for this weekend, but I haven't heard back on whether or not I have been accepted. I have really been looking forward to it - so I hope it all works out. I am volunteering for my boy barak on saturday night after my class at some shi shi club on Sunset...haven't heard back about that either so.....who knows. Still waiting to hear about the teaching job - I think I should be hearing by next week - who knows. I am just going to keep doing what I am doing and try not to stress out about it so much.

The sabres rule - wish I had a tv or better hours so I could sneak off and watch at asports bar.

I am sure there is so much more I want to say. I haven't been having the best luck with the internet so things sort of go out of my mind that I want to put in here.

I miss everyone terribly and cannot wait till I get a chance to go back east.

Much Love,

Na-na

Erev Tov....mah zeh?

Hey there boys and girls.

So I had a long morning at the heb school today. As I was driving in I asked one of the teachers if it was OK to park...she looked at me and said "mah?" - what? I thought wow - this is going to be a different experience than SweetHome. I wondered if I was too different. The Israeli guard gave me a hard time but I finally convinced him that I was safe and he let me park. I walked with my gigooondo portfolio (which no one even looked at btw) to the Starbucks across the street and met up with the head of the English department. We chatted about me and the school and education in general. IT was nice - she is around my age - married to the Asian chemistry teacher (scandal!) and it turns out that she grew up unaffiliated - which made me feel a whole lot better about things. The school is pretty loose, but in a way that is cool - it allows you to do whatever you want and experiment with different kinds of pedagogy without worrying about state wide assessments etc.. We chatted for an hour and I realized how much easier it was for me to talk about teaching than it was for me to talk about movies or the entertainment industry on any of those interviews...everything that came out of my mouth was spontaneous, natural and sincere. Easy. WE walked into the school and she walked me right into the classroom without really preparing me so I just went with it and started the lesson. The kids were just like the kids from Hebrew High and from camp. It was a pleasure teaching them. They were neurotic, perfectionists, smart, funny and challenging. I was nervous and had certainly packed way too much into the lesson, but I somehow managed to get it done within the time frame. I walked around and talked to a few more students and teachers - everyone was so warm...it was like being at Shaary Zedek teaching Hebrew School again. I felt much more comfortable than I thought I would. I went in and had a chat with the principal - who hails from the HArvard school of education - not bad. We talked about Vygotsky and educational philosophy - he gave me a bibliography and said that he enjoyed my lesson - although you couldnt tell that as he sat stoic in his little desk chair. Anyway I had been there for almost 3 hours at that point so I headed to Bev Hills for work - where I accidentally put a giant (even the mecanic said so) dent in the passenger side of my car. Those of you who were familiar with peebo will be happy to know that I am getting it fixed on SAturday morning for 50$ and some beer! Aren't you proud of me - so grown up. I was a wreck and work and ended up leaving because I felt so terrible and couln't even focus. PLus they don't pay me when I am not there so I didn't feel guilty at all. I saved them almost 100 dollars - wahoooo. So I still haven't heard back from the other job, but I have to say that I was more excited about the teaching job than I have been for any other interview I have had since moving here. I think I am really a teacher - Hello, my name is Na-na and I am a teacher. Yeah. Who knows. The best part...all the Jewish holidays...the dept chair told me that next year was particularly vacationy in terms of heb holidays...that means I can come home to visit and have time to write - it might just be the perfect thing....if the pay is any good. So we'll see. I think it is going to end up being a couple of weeks before I hear anything and I may have to go back in for another interview.

I will certainly keep you all up to date. Tomorrow is another day after all. I think there is some big hot movie star coming in tomorrow but honestly I could care less. I am immune to hot make movie stars at this point. All I want them to do is read their copy and leave...some of them are sooooo needy...Nance - can I listen to myself again - can we do that again for the 30th time - I am not sure I got the tone right when I said that McDonalds was the world's classiest burger joint. What an experience. I do like the animation auditions though I have to admit - those guys can really crack me up. I have yet to be really entertained by any of the female stars....they think they're funny, but they're not (plus they don't have a penis and the right kind of scruff.) Too much info.

Good night everyone. Lihitraot! Na-na

jobby job update

OK - what a day. I never have anything to do at work so I figured I could write the lesson plan all day today...don't you know that today was the day that the boss was on my back all day - asking me to do things - wanting updates etc...so I still managed to get it done and I am excited about what I put together. The question is - is it appropriate for a Orthodox Jewish day school - I am used to Swethome thugs ya know? Oh well - if they throw me out - at least it gave me 1/2 day off from work! So minie meyers was in last night - we had such a great time. Ended up taking her to Fred 62 for a late night dinner with her friend - who is very cute and nice - poor guy was so sick but he held in there till almost midnight. So I went to work hoping I would find out one way or the other about the other job...the hollywood job and what I got was feedback - there were a lot of applicants - they really liked me and I am in the running. Blah blah blah..I have been down this road before. My recruiter said I am allowed to get happy about this but I am not going to get excited about anything until I get the job offer.

I did some more research on the day school tonight and it seems that it has more controversy than Kadimah...apparently enrollment is down and teachers of the feeder school try to tell students not to go there because the head master is an ass and it is too liberal. Lord knows I don't have a problem with chaos and libertines - bring it on!!! Anyway first I have to teach the lesson then they have to not stone me for being a heathen - then they need to offer me the job and tell me what the pay and benefits are then I will think about it.

Ok - just got off the phone with JN in NM and she sounds great. It is so hard to love so many people that are so far away but thank god for the old telephone.

Ok - going to bed now so I can wake up arly and maybe get my ass to do some exercise before the interview - I need to get back into shape.

Later...na-na

Sunday time sandwhich

Good Afternoon:

It is a sunny Sunday afternoon and I am having a very relaxing day since yesterday was crazy. Before I forget I want to tell you about my dream and how I got woken up this "morning." I was having a very bizzare dream - no need to get into all the fucked up details but I do remember that I was at my old house and there was a party. I kept leaving and not helping. Don't know where I went - probably to my present LA partying life and then I would open up a door and be at 331 Forestview again with lots of people there - almost like it was a shiva house though - not a celebratory event. My mom wasn't there is was my Aunts and they were so hurt that I wasn't helping out in the Kitchen or cleaning anywhere else in the house. I kept sneaking a snack and then ducking back out again pouting and chasing my new pet around - he was some hybrid bunny I think. If anyone here really knows me you would know that me having a pet was probably the weirdest part of this dream. Anyway at one point my aunt asked me for some tea - but I spaced out and left. When I came back later to grab something I thought her eyes were going to bug out of her head and she was demanding tea - then my oldest uncle was at the kitchen table and he wanted me to make him some tea. I got so mad at this but wanted to show that I could help so I made cups and cups of tea with honey - which I have never seen anyone in my family drink. There were a lot more things - like a reoccurring piece where I am in a hotel, but do not know how to get to my room...that is a whole other story. Anyway I was feeling really bad about myself when I heard my phone ring and it woke me out of the dream. It was my aunts on the phone - they were cleaning out my grandmas apartment (she is now in the "home") and they wanted to know if I wanted anything. I told them that I wanted some of the pictures that were on the wall, but my one aunt that got very mad at me in the dream got mad at me in real life, and snapped in the background that she was taking all the pictures back to her house and if I wanted them I could make a copy of them the next time I came home to visit. OK. What can I do to help? What can I do to ease my Aunts stress al the way from out here except tell her that I love her, appreciate what she is going through and pray for my grandma that she finds some peace. When I left Buffalo, saying goodbye to my grandmother was so hard. She cried and cried. I think she knew it would be the last time we would see each other. Don't worry, I am not giving up on my grandma - she is a tough lady, but even if I somehow get a chance to go back soon - it isn't the same grandma I used to take out to breakfast or dinner and who would ask me about boys and tell me stories. Having had those moments with her makes my time in Buffalo all that more special. Part of me feels relieved that I don't have to see her like this - scared and disorientated, feeling like she has no control over her happiness and comfort. I hope in her more lucid moments, that she is telling the nurses some of her favorite dirty jokes and laughing so hard that she starts to cry. That is when I love my grandma the most.

Na-na

movin right along...

SHABBAT SHAPROPER everyone...although I have been studying my math for tomorrow's CBEST exam so I am not so proper - just drinking some shabbos wine. Do you guys remember what PEMDAS stands for? So annoying that after all my exoerience - my masters degree and hoop jumping I still have to do math. I'm so bitter. Let me interpret poetrty - write a research paper with the proper footnotes - I dont care but don't make me do math people! Had a second interview today with a very interesting man who had a great attitude about hollywood. I am not sure if I am going to get the job, but I think I impressed him a little. He did ask me if I was single, had ever lived with anyone, how old I am and if I smoked - which is kind of weird..but whatever. I guess I will find out on Monday. One of these days I am going to actually start working out again but it wont be today. Sorry. On Tuesday I am giving a demo lesson at a hebrew day school. I am not sure if I even want to teach again - but they called me today after I sent them my resume a few weeks ago....it was random but I am going to go for it - unless I get that other job - then I will tell them that I can't do it. I guess I am just keeping all my options open. Not much else to report. I had a pretty good run with the boys for a few weeks there but the fire has cooled. No worries. Am watching the Sabres game tomorro with the good doctor - havent seen him since december since he has been skiing up in Mammouth. I got a big check from my moving company for damages to my stuff yesterday - trying to decide if I want to use it to live on or to fix my stuff. I vote for rent and food - and fuck my dinin room table - what do you think? It isnt enough to fix it anyway. Well I really don't have much else to write. I am glad that it is getting lighter later - I a glad that I may have a real job soon - I am glad that I am finally taking this stupid exam so I can get it off my back and I am glad that it is Friday and that there is a 1 in 30 chance that next week could be my last week at Special Artists..... cross your fingers.

Sorry this post is so boring. I am sure I have more exciting things to talk about like Crackie #2 being such a bitch or the fact that when Crackie #1 told me that her boyfriend is broke and she needs to leave him now and how she put the hotel valet for her trist with another man on her boyfriend's credit card....I guess that is more dramatic than studying the dizzying laws of probability - but I dont want to get into it.

Later

Na-na

Springing Forward

Hello....writing to you from my desk at work. Had an amazing time in Vegas with everyone - learned how to make delicious matzoh snacks but alas, did not eat any meat. There really is nothing better than being with people who know you better than you know yourself and they still love you!

Since my dna activation I have felt significantly more positive and I keep having these interactions with people that underline my path towards a new, more positive me. For those of you who are waiting for me to pack my bags and move back east - you will have to wait. I moved here for a reason and I am going to stay until I find out (unless of course I get a great job offer from somewhere else:))

Last night I had sushi el fresco with our friend Call me Susan. I haven't seen her in almost a year and the two of us had a great time catching up. She thinks that blogs are totally tmi - but for me, it is a way to keep writing and for some of you that actually take the time to read - catch up on my life and have a good giggle and a relieved sigh that you do not have to live my life. I love CMS because she is brave and brazen and always has a great attitude about things even though life has thrown her some shitty curves. She doesn't seem to dwell in her lot like I do and last night she told me that she made a choice a long time ago to walk the positive path instead of the bitter, really fucked up path that others in similar situations have chosen to take. Yes, we are all fucked up in one way or another - but it is how we choose to perceive our lives and move forward that makes all the difference. At one point during ourevening she told me that people want to be around me - I found that surprising - since sometimes I feel like such a grump. But then she reitertated something that P-1 tells me all the time and I know neither she nor M paid CMS to say it - since I asked! She basically talked about the positive energy that I exude when I am in my comfort zone and that somehow I need to be able to recreate that on a daily basis - even when I am not with the people that I love so much my heart explodes everytime we are all together.

Tonight is the smurf b-day party. I am taking cracky #1 with me as surprisingly enough - since #2 disappeared we have become really great friends. In real life - when she is sober and not around #2 - she is a smart, generous, wonderful girl who is fucked up in so many of the same ways I am and is one of the only people that gets parts of me that no one else can - and everyone needs a friend like that. I am glad that I gave her a second chance. Communication is an amazing tool.

Finally heard from the zine editor - the mag isn't totally dead, but I am not counting on it anymore to launch my amazing writing career. Instead I am going to go for broke and actually send out some of my articles to real places that might (gasp) pay me for my writing. As CMS said last night - the worst they can say is no - and no one every died from a no - right? Vinnie Van Gough aside.

Have a smurftastic weekend. #1 and I are going to a club downtown sat. that is run by this amazingly hot Brittish guy we met at my local watering hole wed. night. He looks like a young Robbie Robertson from the band - and he was wearing a velvet blazer and a blue ruffled tuxedo shirt and whispered analysis of Steppinwolf in my ear as I drank champagne. Yeah, life ain't so bad when you have a good 'tude.

Later....Na-na

Meat - a metaphor?

Hi there. Tonight I ate meat. I wasn't planning on it - my landlord showed up at my door with a plate of lasagna - with meat in it. I was hungry and it was there and hot and smelled really good. I ate it. 21 years. No meat. My tummy - hurts. The meat? Tasted great. No lightening came down to strike me. I didn't throw up or die. I ate meat. Big fucking deal.

Na-na

My chakras are clean!

OK - so my internet is finally working again after a week of not being able to blog when I really had so much to tell you guys. For some reason, my last blog put everyone into a panic - but honestly, after going back and reading it - I don't think it was that bad. Maybe that is just me. So I just had my DNA activated - don't ask too many questions, but know that I am doing something positive to help me get more positive. Something that is more comforting to me than therapy and in the meantime I am becomming a part of a smaller community in my neighborhood - I am not joining any kind of cult. These are things I have explored before on my own and now I have found a group of people who put all those curiosities into practice. I feel greeeat and I am on my way to becoming more grounded and positive. How can that be bad? Work this week was OK. The atmosphere is stifling and there is nothing that I can say that will make anyone understand how crazy it is there. I don't want to stay, but it is money (not that I have gotten a paycheck yet but technically it shoul dbe coming soon.) My landlord still is not giving me my mail which is soooo frustrating but I feel like since I am living on her property and she could kick me out at any point leaving me screwed - I have to keep my mouth shut. I got a client a job this week - at least almost a job which is very very exciting. Even though eh is only going to be making 472.00 - that is for an hour of work! How cool is that? I just have no interest in voice overs for car commericals.....whatever. I have two more weeks there as a temp if I want to stay, but then it is going to become harder to leave. The other agency offered me a permanent job, but it is in the commercial/Voice over dept. which means that I would be doing what I am doing now only I will be making less money, loose my office, and oh yeah - not really get to agent - I would be back to being someone's secretary. You may be wondering why I don't want to stay where I am??? It is important if you are going to be someone's bitch - to be a bitch to a person - in a company that is going to give you the connections to get you where you want to go eventually. The world I am working in with voice over is the wrong world and is a dead end for me - so when I would finally escape her evil clutches - I would have to either go somewhere else and do voice over or start alllllll over again at square one. As long as I am already at square one - I want to make sure I am on the right square. And that's that. I applied for a tutoring job this week - we'll see if I hear from the lady. I am going to give her a call tomorrow and see if I can't set something up. Hopefully now that I have my internet back I can do some job searches when I get home at night. The problem is that I don't get home until so late.

On a lighter note- I went to a rocks, paper, scissors tourney last night - it was hysterical. People went all out dressed up in costumes and there were real referees. This is an annual event, so if this has peaked any of your iterests, we can organize a trip back to the Echo next year - with a cool group-themed costume! You know I love my wigs.

This weekend I am volunteering at a Barak Obama fundraiser. It is the first time in my life that I have ever volunteered for a politician. I am a proud supporter from what I know of him. Is our country ready for a man like that to be president? Not likely. Is he a panacea to all of our national woes? Impossible for one man to be. BUT he is a fresh face in the political arena and he ain't no Jesse Jackson!

My friend is having a smurf themed b-day party next week. I cannot wait - you have to come dressed in blue. I helped her plan it before we went camping a few weeks ago, but I never thought she would actually go through with it - how fun. If anyone has any costume suggestion please let me know. I have been called the smurfette of the crew before but let's not go into details as to why. I think that is too obvious - I would like to go as a different smurf. Smurf on this folks: Which smurf do you think is most closely linked to your personality???? Are you a combo smurf? I think KDL is a young Papa smurf - always taking a looooooong time to get anywhere, but yet the guru on the mount. Just a thought.

Have a smurftastic Monday everyone.

Na-na

don't....

It is after midnight on a Friday and I am home trolling the internet because I am a looser who didn't want to go out tonight. I can't afford it and also crackie invited pstz to come with his date. Not something I wanted to see. I think it is hurtful that he can be so flirtatious and not ever ask me out. I wonder if it would be different if I wasn't friends with those girls - but then I never would have met him. I don't want this blog to turn into a giant pity fest but I have to say that I am exhausted. I don't know whst is going to make me happy and I am so tired of moving and changing my life around to find it. I realize that no one is ever perfectly happy - I just feel like I am chasing my tail and that it just isn't in the cards for me - not this time around. All this sadness just breeds more and soon I am going to shrivel up into a bitter old woman that no one wants to be around and no one wants to tell good things about their life to because they are afraid that it might upset them (oh wait, that is already happening.) This town is really rough. I signed up for the CBEST today. Thinking about getting a teaching job and living on the beach. LEave all this Hollywood bullshit behind. I just don't feel a passion for it like I used to. I see through it all and wonder what the big deal is. I think about the world at large and how if we are only here once - then what is it that we are contributing to the universe? Do I want my contribution that I made a really good audition tape for a movie star to do a car commercial? Here is my little metaphor and then I am going to try to sleep: I feel like my life is a wet lawn after a spring rain. There is all this green grass and it smells so good. On each corner of the lawn is a different toy. I keep running from one corner to the next to play with the toys - some I want to play with more than once - some don't even interest me at all when I apprach them at a closer distance. Through all of my running and shifting, the wet, fresh grass has been matted down into a brown, soupy mess and my mother is standing at the threshold of my house screaming at me for ruining the landscaping. I am left holding no toy in the middle of a mud pile and there is a worm that has made his way into my shoe.

Good night Mrs. Calabash wherever you are. Na-na

Head Spun Round

Good Evening.

First off I want to congratulate Miss N for finally figuring out where she is going to land! Good luck in Chi town - it is a hell of a lot closer to LA than the Buff. Well day three on the job and more confused than ever. This company is ridiculous and there had to be something wrong with a place that cannot keep employees. Yesterday I was in tears - even though the woman I was working for last week called me up and told me that she wanted me to come work for her. #1 I like her a lot as I mentioned before, but right now I have my own office, don't answer anyone else's phones and am getting paid a lot more. PLUS the only reason I was workng in her department was to prepare for this job - which I don't think I even want to do - so why move just to work in a place where I am on a lower rung with less money just because I can have the freedom to dress funky and laugh with friendlier people? Part of me thinks I made a mistake by leaving the psycho bitch since that is more akin to what I want to do, but I was in a massive state of stress and confusion. I am meeting with the lady on SAt. for coffee so I will talk to her about everything then. MEANWHILE - my recruiter left for the weekend before lunch today - the day I was supposed to hear back from HR about money and benefits etc...I know he thinks I am a pain in the ass but how am I supposed to get support from a recruiter who only works three days a week? Tomorrow there are lots of stars coming into record so I get to see the other side of my job. We'll see.

OK so I admit it. I like the cutie and I am sad that he doesn't really like me back. Last night I looked at my phone and saw that he called but didn't leave a message. I was strong - I didn't text or call - which is what I would normally do. He didn't call back today. He is probably on to his next conquest. LAst night I went out with Crackie #1 and pstz. I was sooooo good in the beginning - totally cool with pstz considering he hasn't emailed, called or texted me in a month! #1 has alluded a few times that it is #2's fault - that she is poisoning him against me. Why would she do that? What does she have to gain? Pretty fucked up. Anyway he is soooooo full of sex that it is impossible not to get drawn in - even though he looked bad - really bad last night. AND he was flirting with both of us and as much as I tried to stay above it - I succombed and by the end of the night I was flirting right back. grrrrrrr. It's ok I probably wont see him again for another month.

My trainer has been stalking me and I have been ignoring his phone calls, but tonight he called me drunk from a bar asking me if I wanted to come have drinks with him and watch basketball. Creeeeepy. PLus - I feel bad enough that I am not making it to the gym - do I have to spend my downtime with my trainer that I can no longer afford who is going to make me feel even worse? How do I end up in these sitations?

Did I tell you guys about the Israeli guy that I have been dirty texting with for a while? I don't think anything is going to come of it - but he is going to Coachella
with our little group so it should be interesting meeting him in person.

This Sunday night my new friend from the zine is going to read my cards - I haven't done that in years and feel like I need some kind of guidance. How did I get so off track? Why did I live in such a hedonistic bubble for so long? I hope it isn't too late for me to get my shit together. I feel like I am ten years behind everyone my own age and that Cutie doesn't want to be with me because he thinks I am so far ahead - what am I supposed to do?

Hopefully I will have some good scoop tomorrow as I am meeting - an xfile, a wingman, a boy from the oc and the brother of a funny, fat, dead man.

Later - Na-na

No More Drama

Wow. What a weekend. THis is going to be a long post so you'll have to bear with me. I will try to separate in paragraphs to make it more user friendly. So it all began on Friday at 6pm when I was informed that my services were no longer needed at the agency I had been working at so I knew I was starting the weekend off with no work on monday and possibly for a while since the other job wasn't looking good and I wasn't sure if I even wanted it. I went to my friend's going away party very blue and the fact that someone I had just gotten to know and care about was leaving made me even bluer. It is hard to find good, smart peeps who appreciate Buffalo in this town. K - good luck in Brooklyn - I'll miss you. I woke up on Saturday with plans to go to the beach to hang with some girlfriends. During my flirtations with the cute boy from the office on Friday I may have mentioned that he should stop by and hagn out with us. He was in so I thought maybe I might get some action this weekend and if you have been keeping tabs on me through this blog you know it has been a desert during the dry season up in here. A girl needs herself a little lovin now and again and getting from a young cutie never hurts either. I digress. Went to Runyan and the air was so bad (those of you not familiar with air quality concerns may not understand) that when I got to the top I felt like I had asthma and my heart goes out to all of my asthmatic friends because that is a shitty feeling. Yada yada yada I don't get down to the beach until almost 5 and the girls have decided it is too cold (it didnt get into the 90s until today) for the beach so we just played some really bad pool and had burgers at the local "jerry's" like watering hole (without the pickled pigs feet or whatever the hell those things were.) My friend A. gets a call from this hot Brittish guy that showed up to her bday party the week before and he tells her he is going camping and then to surf the next day. They might be driving right by us and may or may not have time to say hi. S - ever the motivator - grabs the phone from her and comes back to the pool table triumphantly stating: "We are going camping." Now I have on beach clothes and although I always carry my sleeping bag in my car - that turkey burger was haunting me, a migrane was beginning to rumble in my head and I really wanted to hang out with the cutie from the office. Needless to say I wasn't that stoked to go. Stacey decides to call the cutie herself and invite him to go with us. He immediately says yes - which coupled with the naughty double entendres he was throwing out on the instant messenger led me to believe that he might lik eme a lil bit more than big sister....

We left the pool hall and headed back to prepare. S - is amazing I hope you guys get to meet this girl - and not just because she is from the Buff. She trhows together in I shit you not 5 minutes - a cooler filled with food and drink and a trunk filled with camping equipment, blankets and extra clothes for everyone since none of us were prepared. When the hotties from San Diego came by they were impressed that we weren't little princesses and were psyched that we were crashing their party. Meanwhile S gave me a vicodin for my migrane, which was not working - which is why I know it was the big M - I have been given shots in the ass before that did nothing to take them away. Lil office cutie comes by and greets me with mucho amounts of affection - I am taken aback but figure I will roll with it - since I am not really working there anymore it will allow us to be much friendlier without feeling wierd. WE take off with the dog in tow and head out to destination unnown. Really - we had no idea where we were going - just the 101 N and the hotties were going to call us from their car when they found a campground and then tell us how to get there. It was a great ride and the dog was cuddling up on our laps - cuties was cuddling with us and we were all singing along to Johnny Cash - OK they were - as much as I liked the movie - I didn't grow up with it and didnt feel like jumping on the bandwagon.

We get to the campsite and set up camp. In my sneaky, haven't been kissed in five months wisdowm, I decide to dontate my sleeping bag to A and make a bed out of the blankets for cutie and I. The big migrane is still there but I am trying to be cool about it and not complain too much - there is a fire and S because shes cool like that just happened to have the ingredients for smores in her kitchen so cutie climbed a tree and got everyone a stick so we could roast the marshmellows. We passed a bottle of wine or two around the camp fire that was actually in a barrell and had a few good laughs. I was so sick I couldnt drink the wine or eat a smore so you know I wasn't faking it. Cutie and I took a walk on the beach - yeah that's right suckas we were camping on the Pacific ocean... the stars were amazing. I haven't seen stars like that since my roadtrip out here in New Mexico and Colorado. HE was feeling frisky and wanted to do naughty, naughty things with me on the beach - but I felt sick and really wasn't ready to be that naughty so I laid down the law but it was still fun to make out with a cute boy as the waves of the ocean roll in and there isnt enough light pollution to block out the stars.

We didn't sleep all night - it was sooooo cold in the tent we just shivered all night. And groped eachother a lil bit - all of us because it was so cold - we were all sleeping on top of eachother. Cutie kept whispering in my ear that he wanted to take me home and balh blah - all night and all the next day - he wouldnt let up. I was like why the hell not right? I mean there is nothing like good old sexual tension. When we got up in the morning we realized that we were plopped in the middle of the mountains and slap dab next to the beach - what a great way to greet the day - it was amazing there - really. We drove into Santa Barbara with the puppy and ate brinch outside and then went shopping at the outlet mall where I purchased a fabulous new sundress which I need a lot of because it is already in the 90s - what is it going to be like in June???

Fast forward we are back at S's beach house and cutie asks me again if I will go home with him - I say yes and we leave. We get to his place and he lives in a dumpy town (long beach) in a dumpy neighborhood (sketchville - more than my lil sketchville) in a dumpy, dirty, ugly bachelor galore apartment. I assess and remind myslf that this is not a long term thing - I mean he is only 26 and lives over an hour away so just enjoy it while it lasts. I dont want to go into too much detail but we had a good time that afternoon together and all those weeks of flirting at the office paid off - well at lest for him it did - that kid didn't knowwhat hit em. Afterwords we went into town for dinner and I could tell that he was stressed out. We couldnt find parking and I could see his little wheels moving in his well- coiffed head. On the way to the restaurant he was contemplating the prices at the place he wanted to take me to beacuse it was pricey. REminding me that this guy was just as broke as I was and that we could never really date - not for real. BUT I forgot to mention that he surprised me on our camping trip with his brains - he is really bright and that was a big turn on - I had no idea. So at dinner I gave him an out and told him I would leave he said no - it was a long way back and we were both exhausted.

We got back and he planted me on the couch and started to do little household errands - check his email - do his laundry make some phone calls. I felt pretty silly sitting there, but School of Rock was on and I like that movie so I sat and laughed and watched him ocd and adhd all over the apartment. An hour and a half later he comes and sits down and HE picks Jesus Christ Superstar which we both sing along to and I feel like even though this kid has been a bit of a tool for the past 3 hours or so - is very cool since he knows the word to Too Much HEaven On Their Minds. When the movie is over he asks me to cuddle up to him where he proceeds to say "I really want to be my friend and I am only saying that because I really mean it." Even though I have been thinking all along that we arent really right for each other and it would never work out this line hits me like a ton of bricks - what happened? He had just been loving me up for 24 hours and now all the sudden he decides that we are just going to be friends? Did we even go out on a date yet? I was so confused that I actually felt hurt and used. I didn't sleep all night because righ tbefore we went to bed he asked me how I felt and if I was upset and he laid on the bullshit that I get from a lot of guys about how comforatble they feel with me and how nice I am and blah blah and it felt good so they didnt want to stop, but they don't want anything more than what just happened. Once again. Fuck and Run as Liz Phair says. SO I feel like an asshole laying in his bed. When we get up at 6am he futzes around again - wait. I need to tell you that it was way more than just physical flirting that happened before thei friends thing. He shared very intimate deep secrets with me and when we got to his lace the first thing he did was show me his camp photoalbum and tell me all about his childhood etc... It got pretty intense and in no way resembled a one night stand. AND earlier that day he told me that he had gotten very flirty with the cool French girl at work, but there just wasn't that je ne sais quoi and so he cut if off and she was pissed at him and said he led her on - this should have been a big warning to me, but I always figure that I am the one that is going to change the guy right?

Back ot the AM - it is early and it is now going on 2 days that I haven't slept. I ask him the whats and whens of his 180 in terms of "us" that never existed and he gave me all these lines about how we just weren't on the same level and I was going to br this amazing big thing and he was just doing his thing - really do guys take classes on how to give this speach? So we are outside and he tells me that I am sexy and beautiful and smart and nice and wonderful....I am sorry - even though I dont want a relationship with this guy I am confused as to what the fuck was missing?? So he tels me to meet him in Santa Monica for lunch so we can talk about this some more because he really fels like he has to have me in his life. Oh shit - I forgot to tell you that when I got upset that morning in his room he asked me to close my eyes and he put in my hand his pillsbury dough boy doll that I admired the night before. My cousin Marcy had them in her room growing up and I loved them (she had the boy and the girl dolls that both giggled.) This doll was given to him by his favorite camp counselor when he first made it to staff and it meant a lot to him - he wanted me to have it. Please people I am going to give it back - plus it gives me the creeps I keep thinking it is going to get possesed by Gozer the Gozerian and take over my apartment.

Cut to today - I go for a run in the park to clear my head - nothing like climbing a mountain to give you perspective (yeah suckas!) and then got 8 missed calls on my phone when I got home from my recruiter and my potential future boss. They had another assignment for me today but I missed it and they were fighting over me again. My recruiter was threatening them again with sending me on more interviews and it was once again getting ugly. I showered, put on my new dress with my ubiquitous brown boots - threw on my favorite hat and set out for Santa Monica - not really knowing why I was driving an extra two hours out of my way to tell a boy that he was an ass. But I saw the pilsbury fucking dough boy and realized that even though he pulled this shitty maneuver - he was still a nice guy and I genuinely liked him adn wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt -PLUS I looked so cute and I wanted him to get a glimpse of what he could no longer have - since all weekend I looked pretty campy/nappy.

We met up and walked to the peer. I gave him alittle speech about how this should be a teachable moment for him and told him how he should have handled the situation - he agreed and felt really bad about the whole thing - but he was still putting his arm around me and holding my hand which was confusing and annoying. Anyway - we were right in the thick of it when the new boss lady called and told me she had to talk to me. "Where are you?" Did these people expect me to sit in a wuiet place waiting by the phone all day long? PLease. So I told her I would call her back later. As we were walking back it occured to me that now that his guilt was assuaded I would never see him again. I told him so - he said no but I know it's true. I have to say that he said some really kind things about me. Sincerely, original kind things that made me feel ok about things and myself. WE had an awkward hug goodbye and I got back in my car right away (after I figured out where I parked) so I didn't have to pay for parking. THere was a message on my vm from future boss lady saying that everything was fine and I would start tomorrow. THrough the ride home I negotiated that I would temp for her for a month at a higher temp rate and then after a month we would all see what was best for all involved. This amde me feel much better about things because such a big part of me is unsure about both the company and the job. I got home - went and got an iceblended and a newspaper and sat melting in the hot hot heat for a while. On my way home I mentioned to once very special Buffalonian how I needed to hear Mary J. Blidges No More Drama song - she had never heard it and asked if it was really a song. Oh yeah I replied. When I was waiting for my banana caramel light ice blended (heaven) there is was this song that must be like 5 years old by now - playing on the in house muzak - No More Drama. A sign??? I got home and checked my email - there was one from the lady I worked for last week that had warned me about the new boss lady. I emailed her my resume as I already mentioned in the previous post. IT took her till today to respond - but to be fair - she is going on an Italy vacation with Frankenfurter so I'm not offended. Her response was - call me when you get a minute. I call her and she tells me that she wants me for herself - that she thinks she can really teach me the business if I want it. I tell her that I am just temping for the other woman and technically am open to offers. She tells me "Good then we will ahve time to continue this conversation." Still - she had better come up with a better paycheck and some opportunity if that is going to happen. At least I know that I am worth fighting over - even if it is between two menapausal blonds and not two buff young cutie pie studs.

Congrats if you made it this far. I start the new job tomorrow. Love to you all.
Na-na

Just when you thought things couldn't get worse..

I don't even know where to begin. I have had a night to sleep it off so it isn't as close to the surface but I had another "hell of a day" yesterday. I wont go into to too many details, but let's just say that I tried standing up for myself with an ex-boyfriend and it came flying in my face reminding me that I have no game when it comes to love and men and still have so much to learn. How is it that all of you manage to have real relationships with people - love people that love you back? You've all found people that want to share their time, their lives with you? No one ever tells me their secret. I think that sucks. So this all happened while I was at work - an easy temp job that I thought I had until the new job started. A new job that when I was sort of offered it did not make me feel good or happy or relieved. I do not really want to work there - it is a set up for disaster and I know I am only taking it (if it is really offered to me) is because I am desperate for money. This is never a good thing. Sooooo at 6pm last night I get a call from my temp agency telling me that my services are no longer needed at the company this is an HOUR after the sign-up to be on the temp list for Monday - fucking assholes. I hang up the phone and ask the other temp there if HE was asked back - he says yes and I remember a call he got hours before telling him that he was staying - something stinks here. On her way out, the woman I was working for asks me "So you got a job?" "Uh, sort of" I replied. See - I knew that I was working for the woman that started the company with the other lady that said she may be hiring me. (I understand that this may be hard to follow.) I told her where I was maybe going and she pulled me into her office and brought in another agent as well. The two of them told me, begged me really not to take the job. That it wouldn't last. They said that the devision I would be heading up didn't even have any clients and that she was hiring me with no experience to do something with nothing. All of this I knew. I asked them if they could help me find something else then since they were telling me how wonderful I was balh balh ablh. IT was awful and uncomfortable and made me even more confused than I alrady am...not to mention the very awkward call from one of the other agents at the agency I might be working for I got the other day. She called me up and had nothing to say to me - it was soooooo weird......bad news - red lights flashing in my face telling me to run run run. And now I am running to Runyan to have a hike and start my day.

Much love

Na-na

Fluidity

Hey now - two posts in one day that is pretty impressive huh? What a day. I started off at Michele's and it was so bizzaro - like I had never left and then I escaped just as fast without having done anything. I got an email there from one of the writers telling me that he had always enjoyed my notes on his scripts which made me feel good, but then bad because I was leaving the writing world of film for voice overs which I know nothing about. I went to santa monica and stopped in Vons on my way into the office to get a salad for lunch. I ran into a few peeps there from the office who were surprised to see me - I had to explain that I was coming in for someone else - I went to eat with them in the lounge (AKA high school cafe) and people got a good laugh at seeing me back there so soon. I finally made it to the desk and it was a nightmare - soooo unfriendly - so boring - they dont want me to do a\nything - jsut answer phones - what a nightmare. I am bringing a book tomorrow. It made me realize how much fun I had working for psycho bitch upstairs - at least I was getting something done. I looked at my phone and I had 6 missed calls from my recruiter and the lady that I thought had hired me. Turned out that I wasnt hired - funny - I thougt I Was when I went into the office earlier in the afternoon and she gave me a cd of her clients to study....apparently my recruiter and my future/potential boss are having a fued over me and it is horrible - I refuse to be in the middle - he is trying to get me to have a conference call with her while I am trying to establish myself in this new job. Apparently this lady wants me to wait for her to come back from vacation in two weeks and then she will decide if she really wants to hire me ornot. In the meantime I am supposed to twiddle my thumbs...she told my recruiter that if he got ma another job in the interim that she would never use his company again...what is that shit about really. If I am that great then she should offer me 10k more and have me sign papers tomorrow. But I am not that sassy in real life and I have had a glass of wine or two. MEanwhile....I can't kee up withmyself. Part of me knows I am only taking this job because of the money - that isnt even that good. The office is too quiet and unfriendly and it isnt even doing somehting I know I am really good at - who knows if I will even like it. People have said that your first year or so in LA is very tough, but honestly I had no clue that it was going to be this hard. When I was here the first time - everything seemed to fall into place. I just have to keep up the faith that I moved here for a reason - a reason bigger than the amazing weather and hiking....

BTW - if anyone has tips on lowcal/low budget/high protein/non lactose meals (besides rice and beans) I am taking suggestions.

Love you all - na-na

Time WARP

So - desperate for some cash I am back at Michele's AKA boss lady today so I can make something to buy grocieries with - who knew I could be this pathetic. Anyway at least I am not still home in bed - that would be worse. Nothing has changed - Candy the Nanny is still here despite her claims to be leaving in a month and not one thing has been filed or done since I left. I really hope that I get placed somewhere for the rest of the week so I don't have to come back. It just makes me lazy all over again. I am waiting to hear back from the new job to see what the status is and if I am really hired - if so I have a lot of research to do. Yesterday watched the runners come in at mile 26 downtown - screamed all day long and felt very inspired. Oh shit -gotta go. I will have more to update later. Ha! just got a call from my recruiter...he got me a job temping for a VO agent back at innovative where I just was. This is perfect - I have two weeks to learn as much as I can about the VO biz before I get started. He wants me to show up this afternoon so I have to leave M's in an hour or so and get back down to Santa Monica - How freakin funny is that? I love it.....Shit - I had better get some things done for M.

your broke ass friend Na-na

Pergatory

Good Morning...

Another lazy morning of avoiding cleaning my house and playing this silly video game that is on my phone and has me by the perverbial balls. I am planning on riding the peeler to the farmers market to get some fresh air and sunshine before I lock myself away to spend a good four hours cleaning my house since C is coming over tonight and noone should know that I live this way. Yesterday I was offered the position as a v/o agent. I know nothing about v/o except that I like cartoons and am slightly interested in the world of advertising. It is so scary because part of me feels that I am being set up for failure - but at the same time this woman is taking an incredible leap of faith putting a chunk of her business into my hands. Reading back through my last post - I see that I am confident that I can do it - and I am. IT is just going to be a tough learning curve and I am hoping that she will give me room to grow.

Cracky #1 and I went out last night and had a blast. She is so much fun when she isn't doing blow. We talked over everything and we are really friends now - although I think part if it is because # 2 has been blowing us both off because of her little euoro boy toy and I am her only other alternative (which isnt exactly true.) So we went to our favorite local haunt and I practiced my flirting. I met some really cute boys and got some excellent feedback. These are not peeps that are for the long haul, but you never know. The problem with the folks out here is that well, intellectualy - not so much - know what I mean? But at least that puts me in the top percentile!!!!

I felt exhausted and blah last night when I should have been ecstatic. Why am I not more excited? Possibly because it doesnt start for another two weeks and it I have to find some way to survive until then. This surviving thing really sucks. The sub exam is not until the middle of April so my calculations tell me that by the time I get my results back it will be the end of the school year. BUT at least I will have that under my belt just in case this v/o thing doesn't pan out. My life has taken some very strange turns lately. I feel like I am on a bad ride at Darien Lake. I want to come home and visit so badly. I have this fantasy of jetting in for the reunion and surprising everyone, but I know that it is an imposibility considering I am broke and am starting a new job that will not allow me to take time off.

Have a wonderful day - Happy Purim - booooooo Hamen! KDL - I am picturing you with your bald cap on and it still makes me giggle!!! Na-na

Decisions...

OK so this past month has been totally insane and I apologize to everyone I havent talked to or emailed lately. I have been back in the swing of hollyweird with this insane boss. IT became this sick game that I was addicted to. Completely stressed out and developing a bad case of insomnia yesterday turned out to be my breaking point. Working 11 hour days does not afford me any time ro energy to look for real jobs, and although I was being offered an excellent opportunity (to start right off as a jr agent instead of waiting a year or two) it didnt seem worth it. The pay still stunk and I would have had to sign a seven yaer contract - which for me (as you know) would be a very, very big deal. Yesterday I had a big disconnect with my boss - it began when she called my cell phone at 7:30 AM...boundaries anyone? She knew I left the night before to go to an interview and while trying to woo me to stay with her, she pushed me away. In the afternoon she was screaming at me because the tax office would not let her pay at the location she drove to, then she screamed at me because the title of the book she asked me to print out was wrong and I should have known that she gave me the wrong title and figured out what the right title was. All of these complaints seem really petty- but when you are working at doing seventeen tasks at once and your mind is trying to figure out the rest of your life on the side - it is hard to take a moment and collect yourself. So after she did her last little bit of screaming at me - forcing me to tell her whether or not I was going to take the job I told her that I was leaving. She started to cry and scream some more and begged me to come into the office today to train the new temp. I did - because #1 I am a sucker #2 It was the right thing to do and #3 I don't want to burn any bridges in this town. Watching her give him the same little psycho talks she gave me was surreal. I realized with a laugh that her life will go on and all that screaming cannot be taken personally - not when it is given out willy nilly to any shmoe that happens to be sitting in that chair. I left fairly early (or when I am supposed to leave) and said my goodbyes. She asked me to give the new asst. my cell phone # but I didn't. I gave her a hig and she whispered to me "You are going to be fine" with a thumbs up. I don't really know what that means - coming from her anyway. I do know a few things: I am a really good assistant. I am a competent professional. I will succeed in any job I put my mind to in this business. Being older may initially turn people off, but now I am sure that it is an asset and I am thankful that I have the wisdom, maturity and experience that I lacked the first time around.

Friday afternoon I have what I hope will be my last interview at another company. The job sounds interesting and something different than I have ever done. Sometimes life opens doors and you need to poke your head in and see if it fits. In the meantime I know I will be OK.

So back to being unemployed - if only for two days.

na-na