I'm full of shit.

I am eating breakfast (after a great morning of riding the peeler all over for errands) and listening to Debbie Friedman singing and crying my eyes out because I am not at camp right now having saturday morning services and eating coffee cake.

I hope you can feel my heart reaching out across the miles to hang out with you guys.

Na-na

Going back to the beginning

Friday night. I just got out of seeing Pirates...first movie I have seen in months. I snuck into the (full price) matinee after work today. It was pure escapism and probably would have been a bit better had I not been relegated to the second row, but I do love seeing movies in LA. Since I was seeing the afterschool special version, the audience was filled with teeny boppers that didn't get the jokes and did not recognize nor did they appreciate the presence of Keith Richards as Jack Sparrow's father - genius!!!!!!!! Although I haven't updated this thing in weeks I came to the computer tonight to write for real and this is just a way to procrastinate. I must confess something...I have been holding back on you. So much has happened that I am not telling you because the anonymity of this blog is compromised and therefore I don't feel as free to reveal certain events like I used to. Don't get me wrong - I love that you guys read this - it just would be easier to let go and vent if it were strangers reading as well...I guess I will have to find an alternative venue for that. Speaking of which - I have been invited to join a writing group. The problem is that the minute the opportunity presented itself I became creatively stunted and feel like I have nothing new, different or interesting to say or even how to say it if for some reason I had thought of something new, different or interesting.

So here I am with my 11 pages of script that I wrote in a fury in August while at the good doctors before my computer died - it is staring at me - mocking me for not having the right software to format and the training to write it well. Still, I am going to smooth it out over the next day or so and turn it in as my first sample to test the waters so to speak. I have to reassess my book before I send it to anyone - it is such a big endeavor - somehow a script seems easier to handle.

I am also sitting here on a Friday night waiting for cracky #1 to call me from the west side after taking one of her Promises friends to get a pee test. Did I want to come with? No thanks. I just do not have the energy to drive all the way down to Santa Monica after my day with my brother. Yes - I actually had a visitor! He came in Wed night - we went to the Dresden Room for dinner which is kind of like eating inside a time machine - the food included. With its large, round, white leather booths, red meat and potatos menue and kiss ass waiters(not to mention the lounge music coming from the other side of the restaurant) you might as well be stuck in time. The next day I took him to Runyan and he was quite impressive - pushing me to sprint down the staircase...he is in training for Kilimanjaro! We went for a beautiful walk in my neighborhood - which sadly I have not done since January - then he met cracky#1 when we went for lunch at this little French cafe in the village. It was an interesting merging of worlds to say the least. After that we drove down to the beach and then went for sushi before I took him to the airport. See what you guys can enjoy if you come to visit??

I am thinking about the camp reunion and am happy in a strange way that I am not there. Sound weird? Well I have been so entrenched in that world and as much as I loved it - it is suffocating and this is proof positive that I have gotten away from that and allowed myself space to become something new. Don't get me wrong - I am not talking about the company by any means...I will have to think about this some more so I can express it better. Read between the lines however - you may get what I am talking about.

Here is a nice metephor to leave you with tonight:
You know what - I wrote this long story about my grandma going into the home this spring - but it isn't necessary. Bottom line is - sometimes what you think is your worse case scenerio turns out to the be the best thing for you and suddenly you find yourself where you need to be.

Happy Memorial Day Weekend everyone....Over the course of the next few days take some time out to remember. Memorialize those who have passed - especially in the belief that they were giving their lives for a greater good. What would you lay down your life for?

Na-na

Proud, Proud

So came into work today feeling pretty good. They actually had me doing something which made the day go by faster. I got an email from the head of the Eng. Dept and the Jew School (I will have to come up with a better nick name) anyway - she was telling me how thrilled she was that I am on board and how mortified she was by the low offer. She wanted me to know that they realize they are not paying me what I am worth and that I got screwed because they are having major budget problems and that the other leading candidate was willing to take a lot less money than they were offering me. She said it was a testament to howmuch everyone liked me that they chose to pay more money on a tight budget. Anyone who has ever worked for the JCC can understand that this is somekind of compliment! Anyway whoeveer that kid is that was willing to take MUCH less than me (her caps not mine) screwed me over (her word not mine.) So I emailed back - told her that I was happy she understood how I felt and that I too was shocked since she told me in the first interview that my range would be doable. I also told her I wasn't doing this job for the money as they were offering me less than I made six years ago and 10k less than I was making last year (not totally true but good for my argument.) A few hours later I get an email from the school with a NEW contract with MORE money. HAH! See what advocating for yourself can accomplish??? It isn't a lot more - but it is the principal of the thing and hey - it can only go up from here. I signed the contract and am super excited. I already asked them for the book list and skill set for the freshman so I can start planning my units for the fall. I might as well get all that work out of the way.

Tonight I am meeting this girl I temped with (the one who I saw on good friday) at meditation class - then we are going for a drink at the Dresden. Saturday I am playing in my very first adult kickball league game...I cannot wait - it is a really big thing here in LA - I was invited to be a part of another team, but they play during the week and my hollywood work sched doesn't really fit.

I hope everyone is having a great day. Don't worry about the Sabres. Perhapos they will go quietly into that dark night - or perhaps they will shake off their shawl of complacency and show up to play 60 minutes of kick ass hockey.

lata....

na-na

A quick one

It is late and I should go to bed but I had to write. I was sitting here innocently watching my internet television when I heard my landlord drunkenly scream a vicious tirade to all our neighbors - telling them to fuck themselves and to stop complaining about him or his dog. If any of you have met Tony the hell hound - you know why the neighbors complain. He invited them all to come and suck his dick until it ran dry (I thought that was friendly) then he screamed (slurred) if they want to come kill his dog, just come and kill him and lots more fucks. It was pretty scary.

On a happier note I got the teaching job at the Hebrew Day school today. The pay stinks - worse than my first year at sweethome, but it is steady pay and full benefits and 1/2 days on Fridays. With all the vacation time it has to be worth it. I will make money another way. I am not sure how right now, but it will come. They want me to go there tomorrow and sign a contract, but I don't know how I am going to get there with work - since I got the Hallmark channel to let me leave early today. I will see if they can fax it. I knew that private schools didn't pay well but it still pays over 10k more than any entertainment job - even the better ones - and those dont have benefits or vacation. I think I am making the better choice because it is allowing me to have a stable base from which I can create a real life for myself - a home. Wow that whole landlord thing really freaked me out. I hate when people fly off the handle and threaten violence. gee- wonder why.

Oh yeah - the Sabres lost tonight. Getting the job put sports into perspective for me....there is so much more to life than having a championship team. Why is it so difficult for Buffalo to go the distance? It is because we want it so badly - we have all deluded ourselves into thinking that we need it - in order to prove ourselves worthy to the rest of the nation. I overheard someone at the bar the other day actually say that if Buffalo won the Stanley Cup it would improve our economy and revitalize the city. We are all deluded. It is just a game. Now get rid of the graft and the dirty politicians and the nepotism...well then we may just have some civic healing.

Getting off my soapbox now.

I could tell you a cracky story but I am going to refrain. Time to dream of days when I will be able to pay my bills and my paychecks are direct deposit.

Na-na

Boredom

So what does one do with boredom at work. I have what the French call Enniyeuse (I butchered the spelling.) But mostly a general boredom. I am so sick of these temp jobs with zero expectations and little to do. I thrive in fast-paced environments - well at least I say that on my resume. But seriously you know I love me some chaos and this Hallmark Channel place is filled with normal, nice people that don't ask me to do anything. I have to say that there is the coolest coffee machine in the kitchen that I have been making full use of. Everyone here comes late, leaves early and dresses poorly. Not very hollywood at all - but it is somewhere to go everyday and I make almost 80 bucks after taxes - that should not even come close to paying my billls!!!

The fire is mostly put out and I have been playing the guy role with that dude from the other night - he has texted me twice and I have mostly ignored him. I asked Cracky #1 if I was being a bitch and she replied that no, I wasn't considering that he sells shammys. That is right - this Scientologist with a very large and strange mole on his inside thigh works at mall kiosks selling shammys. Not exactly my dream man, but hey - we can't all be winners in the lover lottery. He WAS really cute.

I am on my way out for an after work hike. Everyone is gone already - what kind of office is this - with only you guys to talk to.

I promise I will try to get into a bit more trouble over the weekend so I can share my salacious tales with all of you.

Na-na

Now that's a fire!

My head is still buzzing from the smoke inhalation. If you have been watching the news at all today then you know that there is a fire in my hood. In fact - right where I was hiking on Saturday. Today as I was coming home from my interview at TV Guide I looked to the left and saw that the hills of Griffith park were on fire. It looked like the apocolypse - there was black, orange and yellow smoke billowing into the sky - much bigger than your typical brush fire. I discovered this new, very cheap sushi place - thank goodness and went home to check emails, eat and catch up on my online television. I went to meditation class and when I walked out at 8pm, I looked over and noticed that the fire had gotten much worse. Instead of walking to my car I started walking towards the fire like a zombie. It might have been my lack of sleep or my recent meditative state, but I just started going north. I looked around and noticed that there was an unusal number of people out on the street and most of them were also moving xombie like towards the fire, phones and cameras on hand snapping and chatting away as the throng moved slowly towards the smoke. It smelled good really - like a giant bonfire because the only things burning were natural plant life, but now that my head is throbbing I am thinking that I stayed out in it too long. I walked all the way up to the corner of Hillhurst and Los Feliz Boulevard where the entrance is to the park. There were dozens of people at the corner - eating icecream, taking pictures and genuinely feeling a part of the moment. They closed off the streets and cop car after cop car came rolling through - not sure exactly what their purpose was. There were at least 5-8 helicopters flying around the fire - I can still hear them now. SOme were dropping things on teh fire and others were news copters trying to get a story. I stood there and then called Julie K to see if they were Ok because they live further north than I do I think, but they are further east so untouched. Julie and her husband were actually in the car right near me so that they could get a good look at the action. I hung up with them and started to work my way back down the street to go home finally and get some much needed sleep. On my way there I bumped into them - we talked for about a minute and they took off. My friend Aimee - ever the journalist was driving ton from echo park to see if she could get a story for her radio show. I walked down the hill again and got a sanwhich at subway - sat down on a curb and had a little picnic as I watched the hillside in flames. Everyone was out - people were desperate for human connection - to meet their neighbors. It was fascinating and reminded me a lot of New York after 911 - only a lot less tragic. Finally Aimee showed up and we got some gelato and walked back up the hill to get a story. By the time we got down there the air was really bad and the fire had moved east - even the news trucks were packing up. We walked back into the village and searched for my car for a while (It had been over three hours since I parked it so I sort of forgot where it was in all the excitement.) We basically then walked all the way home to where she was parked and then drove around th evillage where we eventually found my car - almost exactly where I thought it was the first time around. It was amazing to me how many people called and texted me to make sure that I was OK. That made me feel so good to know that people cared. So many people offered me a place to stay in case I was evacuated. Wow. That is just so special and I feel really lucky to have such great people in my life here. Let it be known that one of them was cracky #1 who told me that no matter what time of night I could call her up and come over. Huh? See she is a really good person. Anyway I am finally home and wanted to write about it while it was fresh in my mind and the helicopters were still swirling. It amazed me what nonchalance people carried themselves with tonight. I called it the Nero factor as everyone (myself included) wandered around eating gelato or sitting outside at cafes eating dinner as the hills burned to the north. People were nonplussed and I think it really increased business on the street tonight. I don't normally hang around the village at night but I think I should start to because it was alive with activity and beautiful men! I really need to go to bed now - It is almost midnight and I have to start a new assignment tomorrow. There is so much more I want to tell you - I took some good pictures but they are on my phone and I dont know how to put those on line. You will just have to find a way to see me so I can show them to you. It was this beautiful, destructive thing. I was transifxed and as sad as I am about the park, I am glad that I was a part of a community tonight. I felt like those were my neighbors and my hills that were burning and so finally - I feel like I have arrived.

Bon Soir.
Layla Tov.

Na-na

There is a man in my bed

Good Morning,

ahhhh what a weekend - it has turned into a four day festival of fun. There is nothing better than a weekend where nothing is planned - it always turns out to be something special. Friday night I stayed in and re-did my resume, although last night I ended up going back to my original. Saturday I went for a quick hike up in Griffith park and I discovered a new trail that will be perfect to run on. Now I just have to get my tushy there and start running! I went with Ng the ex bf and Cracky #2 to a cinqo de mayo party. We spent the whole night in our bathing suits drinking beer in this girl's hot tub. I can think of worse ways to spend a saturday. Hillarity ensued and the party lasted through sunday afternoon. After all that fun time I didn't want to be alone so C#2 and I went into the village - bought some vintage and had a pinkberry. We then drove to Echo Park to meet my friend from Nichols for dinner at a restaurant with no sign. We hadn't slept yet and were wandering around like assholes - which would have been fine if it wasn't such a sketchy neighborhood. Finally - we got there and it was this tiny little place and all the food was vegan/organic and some of it raw. It was sooo delicious and all the workers there were beautiful hipsters. C#2 wasn't too crazy about the raw food - I think she is more of a cheeseburger gal. We ended up renting the worst movie - The Libertine - with Johnny Depp - I thought it was going to be great and it was terribel - or maybe that was the lack of sleep. I will have to watch it again just to make sure.

Yesterday I had off so C#1 and I went down to the beach to rollerblade. It was so fun and I wore my pink leater bikini top and a shirty short short mini skirt. I have never done that before - what a different way to go down the beach! After we finished we drove to a sober living facility to pick up her friends in rehab to take them back to the beach for lunch. None of them have cars because they sold them all for crack. LOvely. Most of the girls were nice execpt this one crackhead from Ohio. You can tel that she must have been the biggest bitch on crack and that she is missing the pipe a lot. Like A Million Little Pieces - she has to get her wisdom teeth taken out and she can't have anesthetic with real drugs in them. OUCH. I guess I would be in a bad mood too. I asked her if she had read the book and she looked at me like I was craazy - like "Bitch - crackheads don't read!" We dropped th esober girls off and went to a bar on Main Stret for a drink - the live in showed up with a friend and C#2 came as well. We were all pooped and sunned out since it was over 90* so we headed home. C#1 had no gas in her car and no money - so we coasted on fumes until we couldn't and she put three dollars into her gas tank. Tht doesn't even cover a full gallon of gas. Thanks George!

I came home thinking I was going to catch up on Gray's Anatomy online when she called me saying that she had to get out of the house - so I showered and met her at our usual place where we did the usual thing and it turned into an evening where I was still up at 6am - though I really didn't want to be. So now I have to figure out a way to tell this guy to get the hell out of my house because I found out I have a job interview or this temp thing at 2.

OK - wish me luck.

and judge not lest we judge ourselves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

na-na