switching focus

So I was at the coffee bean today and since no one else is working this week but me - there was no traffic on the roads and I had time to sit outside in the sunshine for a few minutes before getting on the road. As I sat there reading this book for work, I noticed a good looking couple heading in for coffee. Booooring -they were just another goodlooking couple - well dressed and in Hollywood. It suddenly hit me that this town throws some voodoo on everyone that heads into it - the myth of beauty. The stress of thinness. The ideal of physical perfection that permeates the smog filled air is almost a deterrent to personal success. I feel like this city is a living creature (you can decide for yourself if it is good or evil) that lures you -(if you have ever read Ishmael by Daniel Quinn - Mother Culture) to believe that the most important thing is beauty and that everything else will follow once that is acheived. The truth is, if you put all of your energies into achieving this physical beauty - you wont have any energy left to be the person you came out here to be. I haven't finished my coffee yet so maybe I am not expressing this properly, but I feel like I have been blinded by this body-envy. I came out here to be successful, not compete in a beauty pageant. Why isn't it OK just to be average? Why is physical mediocrity devestatingly depressing?

Have a great Thursday.

Na-na

Goooooooo Maccabees! (and other cave dwellers)

Hello and Happy Hannukah everyone. I am so sorry that it has been so long since I have written - I have been so busy having adventures that I have neglected to write about them. I just wrote a column for the mag - so I am tapped out on the creative writing - mind if I keep it bare bones tonight? Perhaps I can give you all a bullet point list of the things I have been up to since I last wrote:

Finally made it to the Magic Castle....Food is good - magic cheesy. It was more like the haunted mansion from disney world than anything else....thanks Mike though for generously treating me to a great night! One more note on this...A&S and kids are staying there when they come into town - hysterical!

Vegas was a lot of work, but fun. I got to interview people about legal things and pretend I knew what the hell I was talking about. Don't worry - I still got some craps in and Boss lady and I got taken out to dinner by the Head of the LV Constables - he is an amazing man - if I had to get kicked out of my house for being a crackhead - he's be the one I'd want to toss me to the curb!

Wed. night went to a hannukah party where I ran into the same hot TV actor from my birthday party. I think it is besheret. I wanted to cast him for a role in one of our films, but one of the producers said that he was too tall and handsome. Oh well. I figure the third time is the charm....

Friday had a great time at our mutual friend's (JKR) Hhliday party - met all sorts of great people and surprise surpise went from knowing no one at the party to closing out the bar and partying in my car with the DJ and my new gay friend that works at Napster. The next day the good doctor and I trolled around Los Feliz and went vintage shopping. I made him buy the funniest jumpsuit that rivals the other good doctor's blue nascar pit one that he wears for halloween sometimes. I got a shirt that I wore that night as a dress (M - this always works better than a skirt as a shirt!)

Sat. night went to a party at Craig B's(from Willy East) house - I met him the night before at the holiday party - he looooves you KDL - says hi too. I was automatically in with him because one of the first things I asked when I met him was "Weren't you in Joseph and the Technicolor Dreamcoat?"

Sun. I went to watch the Bills game with K at this sports bar in H-wood right on the farmers market - so chill and not LA. First time I have seen a game all season and it was a shut-out against Miami....ooooh yeah! We sat with this cute lawyer who was from Buffalo, but was rooting for (gasp) The Fish...I had a lot of fun cheering in his ear. Then his bitchy (typical LA) friend showed up and ruined the fun. I don't know why she was there - she is not interested in football and when we asked why she was there she siad to make fun of her friend for caring...nice. K and I decided that since we had a buzz on at 11AM - we might as well just keep drinking so we went to Birds and got the spiciest bloody mary's ever - I couldnt even drink mine. Oh yeah - on the way there we sort of split a half a cookie so the rest of the day was kind of a blur - except that I was wearing my new fav./signature outfit - I got a one of a kind hoodie dress - sample from American Apparel and wore it with leggings and my awsome pink/blue and green striped boots - Can't wait to wear that again - would wear it every day if I could. Don't worry - the guy told me that AA decided to make the hoodie dresses after all - do yourselves a favor - go online and order them in every color - and thigh high socks too - I am telling you - that store has changed my life.

Monday I braved the pool at the gym...did a lot of laps and then went to go stand inthe suana but it smelled like old sperm and I suddenly remembered all those posts on CL you know the ones m4m blew you in the steam room at 24hr fitness last night...wanna hit me up for coffee???YUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!! I ran out of there fast.

Last night was walking out the door to meet my new and awsome trainer and the phone rang in the office - it was boss lady asking me if I wanted to join her and 14 of her closest friends at Spago for dinner. I had already peaked at the menu that her husband had faxed them earlier in the day so I was all about it and switched the training appt. I looked like a schlub but drank champagne - ate like a queen and chatted up film directors, actresses, major financial movers and shakers and even the ex-wife of a very infamous h-wood exec who has been parodied on Seinfeld.

So that is the gyst of it my peeps. Sorry that it wasn't as entertaining as my usual posts. I promise to stay more current.

Bon Soir. I am going to watch this Tony Curtis movie that we are going to remake and take mental notes (before I fall alseep that is)

Oh wait - I made a new little friend. He is adorable and is yes - an actor - has been on TV and is only 21 - but in his own words - he thinks I am kind of amazing and that 2007 can be renamed the year of the adventures of na-na and (I don't have a nick name for him yet)" Isn't that cute? What is 13 years in the scheme of things???

TMI?

g'night

I went to the party....

OK - what a weekend this has been. Friday night after a fitful nap K&C came over for a cocktail and the three of us headed out to the animator's party. I had no idea what to expect, but I knew it was going to be outside and big. It was. The whole place was filled with nerdy hipsters who looked like they didn't get out much and their girlfriends. There was an open bar, but only one so the line was tremendous...kept me from making a total ass out of myself - believe me the potential for disaster was very high at this party. First of all it was pstz's party so he was definitely there - I knew that cracky#1 was going to be there and #2 told me that she invited her boy toy which meant that photog boy would be there as well. I didn't see any of the cast or crew for the first two hours or so that we were at the party. Out of the corner of my eye -I saw an elf(pstz) with dimples in a red shirt come walking towards us - I turn back to my friends and pretend to listen, testing to see if he is going to stop and talk to me or just walk on by...I feel him next to me - he is standing there - waiting for me to turn and notice him. I've given him enough time so I turn to my left and give a surprise smile and hello. Kiss kiss how are you? Very drunk - making sure the djs are all going on as scheduled - very cool blah blah then the first thing he asks me is if I had heard from #2 yet. Geez this guy doesnt get it. More small talk and he takes off.

So we go upstairs because I want to show my friends the confernce room with the secret doorway and pstz told me where the buttons are so I can really impress them...well when we get up there - there are tons of people clambaking...I walk right in and say - don't mind me I'm just looking for the secret button...and then they started screaming at each other about Hezbollah and Israel and it was really intense and I felt like an asshole only caring about secret buttons and not middle east peace possibilities - plus I didn't want to hear what could have been anti-zionist slander coming from this drunken-stoned jerk who just wanted to hear himself talk so I ran out of there without closing the door - it was for the best. 7 angry, stoned people do not need a stranger to come into a room and push a button to have the door close on them! Talk about paranoia.

We went back down and outside to the party and stayed in the same place for a while - maybe even checked out the freaky djs with their 45 cent Kmart cowboy hats on. Sometime during that period boy toy showed up - he waw cuter and cooler than I remembered and I gave some props in my head to #2 that maybe she knew what she was doing. He kept speaking in 'we's' I found out that meant photog - whom he told me was behind the bar hiding from #1 - who had tried to introduce him to the live-in boyfriend. She is so cruel. He took off and then I made an attempt to go up to the loo to break the seal since it had been a few hours and a few vodka tonics. On our way in this woman all in black was staring at me. I looked again and it was her - cracky #1. I said hello and she was all kinds of pissed off. I said nice hat (she was wearing this awful big black fur thing) She said Nice ha (I was wearing my good luck kick ass cowboy hat) It was a showdown - yin and yang at high noon. "Whatever. I saw you run away from me." What? She thought I had spotted her earlier and was trying to run away. "I texted you and everything - you didn't even text back bitch." I pull out my phone from my giant gold, mary poppins purse and there it is - a little envelope. I show her so she can see that I hadn't opened it yet (although I'm sure she wasn't paying attention) and then I read it: "Whatever" Oh shit - what grade are we in. I tried to convince her that I had just now seen her for the first time and was certainly not running or hiding from her. The she slurred "The wind told me that you aren't happy with me - we need to talk about this" I can't put the rest in quotes because I don't know what the hell she said next - something about us being friends and I should be there for her and then she started to tell me that she was stranded there at the party and what a bad night she was haivng - how in love she was with photog boy and what a horrible sleaze and slut pstz was. Did she actually think I wanted to hear this? All I could say was "I'm going to pee." I left her at the threshold of the studio and I went upstairs to meet K. The studio is a fraternity house and that includes the bathrooms - the stalls were co-ed and I was having an Emory flashback and needed to get out. I could hold it.

We decided it was time to leave - C wanted pancakes. I was tired and the prospect of running into any of those people - especially photog was making me anxious. All the sudden I looked to my left and there was the guy who I went for coffee with over Thanksgiving when my car died. I must have been very distressed that day because when I saw him at the party he looked a lot less cute - maybe because he was standing up (hmmm interesting) now it makes me wonder if he got to the coffee place first on purpose so he could be sitting down already..this guy is good. Anyway he was telling me how wasted he was and then when I said bye - I'm going home with my friends he quickly pitched in..."Hey I have a car here I could drive you home." hmmm tempting. No. In my defense I was inviting him to come with friends - not as my date. See we have been sort of flirting over email - well I thought it was just us being friendly because that is how I feel about him - but to be fair - I am pretty fabulous and it is possible that a man could be into me without me being into him. I guess this sort of thing happens to women all the time huh? So I said an awkward goodbye and we went to the house of pies to do what I hate to do...late night eating. Considering I hadn't eaten dinner this was probably not a bad thing. I am not sure if that would be my late night choice again, but you never know.

I am off to Vegas now for my first ever business trip. I guess I should pack. Where is the love girls...? Make some noise out there and let me know I am not writing this just for me. Na-na

I know, I know...

Ok so last night I had a date with DT. C was at the restaurant when he walked in and after only a few moments of chatting, decided that he was an arrogant, opinionated, slimely asshole. After she left we went back to his "loft" to order in some Italian. I think this guy has a very deluded sense of self. Perhaps long ago he was a hot shot young up and comer. He took advantage of his charms and bedded a lot of women. Now he is getting older and he isn't as cute as he would like to think he is. Last night when he asked me about my lifestyle choices - he admitted that he couldn't judge me because he drinks a lot and sleeps with whores. A great thing to tell a girl as you are walking her back to your apartment. When he opened the door - the first thing he did was play his messsages - first of all - who still has an answering maching - second of all - why play it with me in the house? He had to know that there were going to be calls from ditzy girls - each one sounded skankier than the next and I wondered what the hell I was doing there in the first place. I checked out his library - which was not as cool as I'd hopes and sat on his yucky couch. His "loft" looked more like a college dorm room. It was messy and filled with old, ugly furniture. I guess I was picturing something more modern and sleek. We talked for a while and then he leaned in to kiss me...I figured what the hell - might as well go along with it, but I tell you there is no soul in his kisses. He is fun, but all I could think when we were fooling around was how many girls have been in this position? Afterwards - he said "You're very pretty" as if he was discovering me for the first time. Hellooooo? Who did he think he was hanging out with? he kept asking me if I was happy, that i was different from the last time we hung out. I responded that how could he know what I was usually like if we had hardly hung out??? Anyway - I am still recovering from Vegas and haven't had a good night sleep since...don't think I am going to get it soon either.

OK - well wanted to fill you in on my sad and twisted dating life....

na-na

Unlucky Strike

I warned you guys that I was getting together with the crackies...oh my. Last night was a reminder of how nice the last five weeks have been without these girls in my life. We were supposed to meet up at 10pm - a late, but not unreasonable school-night meeting time. As one crackie is unemployed and the other crackie is self employed they didn't give a shit what time they stayed out until so of course, they didn't even leave #1's apartment until after 11pm....I went with a brave face knowing that I would be coming face to face with #1 and Pstz. I had a great time with #2 getting caught up and laughing a lot - that was good - then #1 was trying to ingratiate herself to me, knowing that she fucked up any chance of us being friends with her November antics...she was cautious but friendly and I was cold at best. Why should I even try to pretend when she is such a collosal bitch? Everything was running fairly smoothly until pstz showed up - then C#1 thought it would be really funny to scream and rant about what a slut he was and how the two of us were going to fight over his dick. She can have his Herpes penis....I was mortified. She began to throw herself on top of him and tell him how sexy he was etc..and then she had the nerve to brag about how Mr. Photog was her lover while she left her live-in boyfriend (who is now footing all of her bills) at home. I was disgusting and just wanted to get the fuck out of there. I made my way inside with them to the bar, although I was not going to have drink #2. All the sudden pstz and #2 started pawing each other and whispering dirty things in each other's ears right while I was standing there at the bar with them!! Hello are these two so clueless? I had had enough and it was almost 1AM and since I was the only fucking grown up in the whole place that has a real job, I decided to high-tail it home. I said goodbye to all the crackheads that were there - #1 told me that she wanted to get together soon. I responded with a hesitation and she said "oh, OK" like she understood I wanted nothing to do with her sick and twisted, selfish ass and then I said "I'll be good to go in two weeks." She perked up like she actually wanted to be my friend and I scooted out of there.

Yesterday I found out that one of the girls I went to Vegas with had her house broken into and plundered and one of the Nanny's at work mentioned that she had been robbed at gunpoint so I wasn't too thrilled about searching for my car by myself....pstz agreed to walk me back which was funny since I was being such a bitch to him all night - but please he deserved it. He was trying to be all flirty and girls - I looked fucking adorable last night - so I can understand, plus I think that is the only way in which this guy knows how to communicate with women. I was not giving him the same energy back. Once you screw me I am done with you - both he and #1 can rot in hell for all I care. Anyway on our way out we ran into #2's boy toy coming up the escalator(pretty uncomfortable since pstz is totally jealous of this guy) he was all manic, which is funny since he is supposed to be drug free to support Photoboy....I was nervous that p-boy was going to come up the escalator next, but fortunately that didn't happen. I bet you anything that #1 called them up and told them to come so she could throw in my face that she had them both - fucking insane people - and not to be self absorbed - she also probably wanted them both there for her own pleasure so she could make p-boy jealous by throwing herself at pstz. While we were trying to find my car (I have parking lot issues), #2 called and asked pstz if we were making out - then he tried to make a joke out of it and said - "See, she's jealous of you, she called to check in on us - I can't even hang with friends when she's around." When I didn't find that funny he chastized me - trying to get a smile, but it was in poooooooor taste. Pardon me for actually taking our date seriously and thinking it was a bit more than typical male-slut behavior. Or maybe I am the psycho one for not living my life in a hey - I sleep with everyone kind of way?

So we finally got to my car and I drove him back to the side of the bowling alley....he kept asking me if I was going to his party this Friday - yes, I am going - I figure with 800 people - I am not going to see him anyway. I told him this and he responded - "oh, you'll see me there." Then he told me he wants to hang on top of that - all I can think of is sure #2 is in Europe for five weeks so I am going to be her fill-in???I don't think so....what an asshole. To top it off,I called #2 today to wish her a good trip and she was so clueless asking me if I had fun and how great it was that her boy toy came and that all had so much fun together blah blah not even thinking once how painful that whole situation might be to me. The good news is I have seen life without them and it is healthier and much more fun. I came home and had this revelation: If you try hard enough, anyone with practice can become the bitch - but not everyone can be the genuine, good person, even with hard work and practice. I am proud to be the good, nice one. Why I ever was ashamed of that I will never know - but it was a great lesson and I am thankful for all the pain those crackies caused. Don't get me wrong - my talons have been sharpened in the few months since I arrived - and I expect that I will get more cut-throat in what I accept and don't accept in my life. But through all of that editing - I will remain my truest and best self - and fuck anyone that doesn't understand or respect that!

Jerry Garcia was right!

Jerry used to say that every once in a while he needed to blow out the pipes. Unfortunately for Jerry, he lost sight of the "once" part and blew himself right into a mortal coma - may he rest in peace. So after a weekend of debauchery I am back to myself - in a happy mood - wanting to be healthy and social. Nothing like a little Vegas to blow out the pipes! I am saving all the salacious stuff for my column, but I will say that I met five great girls and if you have to go to Vegas - having men buy you and your friends magnums of champagne is the way to do it. This year I have had the luxury of experiencing the whole VIP table/bottle service thing (they don't have this in Buffalo) and I have to say that if you can afford the out of control price gauging on the liquer - it sure is a great way to party. On the man front - ghosts of October seem to be coming back to haunt me even though I have put that month and all of its craziness behind me. DT texted me the other day to see what I was up to. I told him that I was going to Vegas and he got excited and asked me if I wanted to meet for coctails when I returned. He then proceeded to check in on me to see if I was having fun (as did my trainer to see if I had worked out) and when I told him about some of my adventures - he was very impressed. Then today at work when I was about to walk into a meeting Mr. Yom Kipper calls me at work...how the hell did he get that number? He hasn't called since he texted me to break our date last month after I saw him out with that other woman (see previous posts for the dirty details.) I told him I was busy and he mumbled something about how he had been in London for a while and was leaving tomorrow for a month in Cuba. I told him to have a good time and that I would see him next year. My guess is that he lost my number or something and had to call directory assistance for my work number since my cell phone isn't listed. Men - whatever. OK - I am off to shower and meet the crackies at the bowling alley for a drink. I can hear you all saying "Those girls are bad news", but #2 is a sweetheart and is leaving for a month in a few days and I haven't seen her since skinny-dipping at The Standard and partying at the dt loft. The only issue is that Pstz will be there as well. Nothing like the whole fucked up sexual circle getting together for one more uncomfortable night out (oh well - I am always the only one that ever seems to feel the discomfort.) I promise to fill you all in on it later. I found out that I might be going back to Vegas on Sunday for a few days to shoot a pilot....crazy world - crazy week. na-na