switching focus

So I was at the coffee bean today and since no one else is working this week but me - there was no traffic on the roads and I had time to sit outside in the sunshine for a few minutes before getting on the road. As I sat there reading this book for work, I noticed a good looking couple heading in for coffee. Booooring -they were just another goodlooking couple - well dressed and in Hollywood. It suddenly hit me that this town throws some voodoo on everyone that heads into it - the myth of beauty. The stress of thinness. The ideal of physical perfection that permeates the smog filled air is almost a deterrent to personal success. I feel like this city is a living creature (you can decide for yourself if it is good or evil) that lures you -(if you have ever read Ishmael by Daniel Quinn - Mother Culture) to believe that the most important thing is beauty and that everything else will follow once that is acheived. The truth is, if you put all of your energies into achieving this physical beauty - you wont have any energy left to be the person you came out here to be. I haven't finished my coffee yet so maybe I am not expressing this properly, but I feel like I have been blinded by this body-envy. I came out here to be successful, not compete in a beauty pageant. Why isn't it OK just to be average? Why is physical mediocrity devestatingly depressing?

Have a great Thursday.

Na-na

Goooooooo Maccabees! (and other cave dwellers)

Hello and Happy Hannukah everyone. I am so sorry that it has been so long since I have written - I have been so busy having adventures that I have neglected to write about them. I just wrote a column for the mag - so I am tapped out on the creative writing - mind if I keep it bare bones tonight? Perhaps I can give you all a bullet point list of the things I have been up to since I last wrote:

Finally made it to the Magic Castle....Food is good - magic cheesy. It was more like the haunted mansion from disney world than anything else....thanks Mike though for generously treating me to a great night! One more note on this...A&S and kids are staying there when they come into town - hysterical!

Vegas was a lot of work, but fun. I got to interview people about legal things and pretend I knew what the hell I was talking about. Don't worry - I still got some craps in and Boss lady and I got taken out to dinner by the Head of the LV Constables - he is an amazing man - if I had to get kicked out of my house for being a crackhead - he's be the one I'd want to toss me to the curb!

Wed. night went to a hannukah party where I ran into the same hot TV actor from my birthday party. I think it is besheret. I wanted to cast him for a role in one of our films, but one of the producers said that he was too tall and handsome. Oh well. I figure the third time is the charm....

Friday had a great time at our mutual friend's (JKR) Hhliday party - met all sorts of great people and surprise surpise went from knowing no one at the party to closing out the bar and partying in my car with the DJ and my new gay friend that works at Napster. The next day the good doctor and I trolled around Los Feliz and went vintage shopping. I made him buy the funniest jumpsuit that rivals the other good doctor's blue nascar pit one that he wears for halloween sometimes. I got a shirt that I wore that night as a dress (M - this always works better than a skirt as a shirt!)

Sat. night went to a party at Craig B's(from Willy East) house - I met him the night before at the holiday party - he looooves you KDL - says hi too. I was automatically in with him because one of the first things I asked when I met him was "Weren't you in Joseph and the Technicolor Dreamcoat?"

Sun. I went to watch the Bills game with K at this sports bar in H-wood right on the farmers market - so chill and not LA. First time I have seen a game all season and it was a shut-out against Miami....ooooh yeah! We sat with this cute lawyer who was from Buffalo, but was rooting for (gasp) The Fish...I had a lot of fun cheering in his ear. Then his bitchy (typical LA) friend showed up and ruined the fun. I don't know why she was there - she is not interested in football and when we asked why she was there she siad to make fun of her friend for caring...nice. K and I decided that since we had a buzz on at 11AM - we might as well just keep drinking so we went to Birds and got the spiciest bloody mary's ever - I couldnt even drink mine. Oh yeah - on the way there we sort of split a half a cookie so the rest of the day was kind of a blur - except that I was wearing my new fav./signature outfit - I got a one of a kind hoodie dress - sample from American Apparel and wore it with leggings and my awsome pink/blue and green striped boots - Can't wait to wear that again - would wear it every day if I could. Don't worry - the guy told me that AA decided to make the hoodie dresses after all - do yourselves a favor - go online and order them in every color - and thigh high socks too - I am telling you - that store has changed my life.

Monday I braved the pool at the gym...did a lot of laps and then went to go stand inthe suana but it smelled like old sperm and I suddenly remembered all those posts on CL you know the ones m4m blew you in the steam room at 24hr fitness last night...wanna hit me up for coffee???YUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!! I ran out of there fast.

Last night was walking out the door to meet my new and awsome trainer and the phone rang in the office - it was boss lady asking me if I wanted to join her and 14 of her closest friends at Spago for dinner. I had already peaked at the menu that her husband had faxed them earlier in the day so I was all about it and switched the training appt. I looked like a schlub but drank champagne - ate like a queen and chatted up film directors, actresses, major financial movers and shakers and even the ex-wife of a very infamous h-wood exec who has been parodied on Seinfeld.

So that is the gyst of it my peeps. Sorry that it wasn't as entertaining as my usual posts. I promise to stay more current.

Bon Soir. I am going to watch this Tony Curtis movie that we are going to remake and take mental notes (before I fall alseep that is)

Oh wait - I made a new little friend. He is adorable and is yes - an actor - has been on TV and is only 21 - but in his own words - he thinks I am kind of amazing and that 2007 can be renamed the year of the adventures of na-na and (I don't have a nick name for him yet)" Isn't that cute? What is 13 years in the scheme of things???

TMI?

g'night

I went to the party....

OK - what a weekend this has been. Friday night after a fitful nap K&C came over for a cocktail and the three of us headed out to the animator's party. I had no idea what to expect, but I knew it was going to be outside and big. It was. The whole place was filled with nerdy hipsters who looked like they didn't get out much and their girlfriends. There was an open bar, but only one so the line was tremendous...kept me from making a total ass out of myself - believe me the potential for disaster was very high at this party. First of all it was pstz's party so he was definitely there - I knew that cracky#1 was going to be there and #2 told me that she invited her boy toy which meant that photog boy would be there as well. I didn't see any of the cast or crew for the first two hours or so that we were at the party. Out of the corner of my eye -I saw an elf(pstz) with dimples in a red shirt come walking towards us - I turn back to my friends and pretend to listen, testing to see if he is going to stop and talk to me or just walk on by...I feel him next to me - he is standing there - waiting for me to turn and notice him. I've given him enough time so I turn to my left and give a surprise smile and hello. Kiss kiss how are you? Very drunk - making sure the djs are all going on as scheduled - very cool blah blah then the first thing he asks me is if I had heard from #2 yet. Geez this guy doesnt get it. More small talk and he takes off.

So we go upstairs because I want to show my friends the confernce room with the secret doorway and pstz told me where the buttons are so I can really impress them...well when we get up there - there are tons of people clambaking...I walk right in and say - don't mind me I'm just looking for the secret button...and then they started screaming at each other about Hezbollah and Israel and it was really intense and I felt like an asshole only caring about secret buttons and not middle east peace possibilities - plus I didn't want to hear what could have been anti-zionist slander coming from this drunken-stoned jerk who just wanted to hear himself talk so I ran out of there without closing the door - it was for the best. 7 angry, stoned people do not need a stranger to come into a room and push a button to have the door close on them! Talk about paranoia.

We went back down and outside to the party and stayed in the same place for a while - maybe even checked out the freaky djs with their 45 cent Kmart cowboy hats on. Sometime during that period boy toy showed up - he waw cuter and cooler than I remembered and I gave some props in my head to #2 that maybe she knew what she was doing. He kept speaking in 'we's' I found out that meant photog - whom he told me was behind the bar hiding from #1 - who had tried to introduce him to the live-in boyfriend. She is so cruel. He took off and then I made an attempt to go up to the loo to break the seal since it had been a few hours and a few vodka tonics. On our way in this woman all in black was staring at me. I looked again and it was her - cracky #1. I said hello and she was all kinds of pissed off. I said nice hat (she was wearing this awful big black fur thing) She said Nice ha (I was wearing my good luck kick ass cowboy hat) It was a showdown - yin and yang at high noon. "Whatever. I saw you run away from me." What? She thought I had spotted her earlier and was trying to run away. "I texted you and everything - you didn't even text back bitch." I pull out my phone from my giant gold, mary poppins purse and there it is - a little envelope. I show her so she can see that I hadn't opened it yet (although I'm sure she wasn't paying attention) and then I read it: "Whatever" Oh shit - what grade are we in. I tried to convince her that I had just now seen her for the first time and was certainly not running or hiding from her. The she slurred "The wind told me that you aren't happy with me - we need to talk about this" I can't put the rest in quotes because I don't know what the hell she said next - something about us being friends and I should be there for her and then she started to tell me that she was stranded there at the party and what a bad night she was haivng - how in love she was with photog boy and what a horrible sleaze and slut pstz was. Did she actually think I wanted to hear this? All I could say was "I'm going to pee." I left her at the threshold of the studio and I went upstairs to meet K. The studio is a fraternity house and that includes the bathrooms - the stalls were co-ed and I was having an Emory flashback and needed to get out. I could hold it.

We decided it was time to leave - C wanted pancakes. I was tired and the prospect of running into any of those people - especially photog was making me anxious. All the sudden I looked to my left and there was the guy who I went for coffee with over Thanksgiving when my car died. I must have been very distressed that day because when I saw him at the party he looked a lot less cute - maybe because he was standing up (hmmm interesting) now it makes me wonder if he got to the coffee place first on purpose so he could be sitting down already..this guy is good. Anyway he was telling me how wasted he was and then when I said bye - I'm going home with my friends he quickly pitched in..."Hey I have a car here I could drive you home." hmmm tempting. No. In my defense I was inviting him to come with friends - not as my date. See we have been sort of flirting over email - well I thought it was just us being friendly because that is how I feel about him - but to be fair - I am pretty fabulous and it is possible that a man could be into me without me being into him. I guess this sort of thing happens to women all the time huh? So I said an awkward goodbye and we went to the house of pies to do what I hate to do...late night eating. Considering I hadn't eaten dinner this was probably not a bad thing. I am not sure if that would be my late night choice again, but you never know.

I am off to Vegas now for my first ever business trip. I guess I should pack. Where is the love girls...? Make some noise out there and let me know I am not writing this just for me. Na-na

I know, I know...

Ok so last night I had a date with DT. C was at the restaurant when he walked in and after only a few moments of chatting, decided that he was an arrogant, opinionated, slimely asshole. After she left we went back to his "loft" to order in some Italian. I think this guy has a very deluded sense of self. Perhaps long ago he was a hot shot young up and comer. He took advantage of his charms and bedded a lot of women. Now he is getting older and he isn't as cute as he would like to think he is. Last night when he asked me about my lifestyle choices - he admitted that he couldn't judge me because he drinks a lot and sleeps with whores. A great thing to tell a girl as you are walking her back to your apartment. When he opened the door - the first thing he did was play his messsages - first of all - who still has an answering maching - second of all - why play it with me in the house? He had to know that there were going to be calls from ditzy girls - each one sounded skankier than the next and I wondered what the hell I was doing there in the first place. I checked out his library - which was not as cool as I'd hopes and sat on his yucky couch. His "loft" looked more like a college dorm room. It was messy and filled with old, ugly furniture. I guess I was picturing something more modern and sleek. We talked for a while and then he leaned in to kiss me...I figured what the hell - might as well go along with it, but I tell you there is no soul in his kisses. He is fun, but all I could think when we were fooling around was how many girls have been in this position? Afterwards - he said "You're very pretty" as if he was discovering me for the first time. Hellooooo? Who did he think he was hanging out with? he kept asking me if I was happy, that i was different from the last time we hung out. I responded that how could he know what I was usually like if we had hardly hung out??? Anyway - I am still recovering from Vegas and haven't had a good night sleep since...don't think I am going to get it soon either.

OK - well wanted to fill you in on my sad and twisted dating life....

na-na

Unlucky Strike

I warned you guys that I was getting together with the crackies...oh my. Last night was a reminder of how nice the last five weeks have been without these girls in my life. We were supposed to meet up at 10pm - a late, but not unreasonable school-night meeting time. As one crackie is unemployed and the other crackie is self employed they didn't give a shit what time they stayed out until so of course, they didn't even leave #1's apartment until after 11pm....I went with a brave face knowing that I would be coming face to face with #1 and Pstz. I had a great time with #2 getting caught up and laughing a lot - that was good - then #1 was trying to ingratiate herself to me, knowing that she fucked up any chance of us being friends with her November antics...she was cautious but friendly and I was cold at best. Why should I even try to pretend when she is such a collosal bitch? Everything was running fairly smoothly until pstz showed up - then C#1 thought it would be really funny to scream and rant about what a slut he was and how the two of us were going to fight over his dick. She can have his Herpes penis....I was mortified. She began to throw herself on top of him and tell him how sexy he was etc..and then she had the nerve to brag about how Mr. Photog was her lover while she left her live-in boyfriend (who is now footing all of her bills) at home. I was disgusting and just wanted to get the fuck out of there. I made my way inside with them to the bar, although I was not going to have drink #2. All the sudden pstz and #2 started pawing each other and whispering dirty things in each other's ears right while I was standing there at the bar with them!! Hello are these two so clueless? I had had enough and it was almost 1AM and since I was the only fucking grown up in the whole place that has a real job, I decided to high-tail it home. I said goodbye to all the crackheads that were there - #1 told me that she wanted to get together soon. I responded with a hesitation and she said "oh, OK" like she understood I wanted nothing to do with her sick and twisted, selfish ass and then I said "I'll be good to go in two weeks." She perked up like she actually wanted to be my friend and I scooted out of there.

Yesterday I found out that one of the girls I went to Vegas with had her house broken into and plundered and one of the Nanny's at work mentioned that she had been robbed at gunpoint so I wasn't too thrilled about searching for my car by myself....pstz agreed to walk me back which was funny since I was being such a bitch to him all night - but please he deserved it. He was trying to be all flirty and girls - I looked fucking adorable last night - so I can understand, plus I think that is the only way in which this guy knows how to communicate with women. I was not giving him the same energy back. Once you screw me I am done with you - both he and #1 can rot in hell for all I care. Anyway on our way out we ran into #2's boy toy coming up the escalator(pretty uncomfortable since pstz is totally jealous of this guy) he was all manic, which is funny since he is supposed to be drug free to support Photoboy....I was nervous that p-boy was going to come up the escalator next, but fortunately that didn't happen. I bet you anything that #1 called them up and told them to come so she could throw in my face that she had them both - fucking insane people - and not to be self absorbed - she also probably wanted them both there for her own pleasure so she could make p-boy jealous by throwing herself at pstz. While we were trying to find my car (I have parking lot issues), #2 called and asked pstz if we were making out - then he tried to make a joke out of it and said - "See, she's jealous of you, she called to check in on us - I can't even hang with friends when she's around." When I didn't find that funny he chastized me - trying to get a smile, but it was in poooooooor taste. Pardon me for actually taking our date seriously and thinking it was a bit more than typical male-slut behavior. Or maybe I am the psycho one for not living my life in a hey - I sleep with everyone kind of way?

So we finally got to my car and I drove him back to the side of the bowling alley....he kept asking me if I was going to his party this Friday - yes, I am going - I figure with 800 people - I am not going to see him anyway. I told him this and he responded - "oh, you'll see me there." Then he told me he wants to hang on top of that - all I can think of is sure #2 is in Europe for five weeks so I am going to be her fill-in???I don't think so....what an asshole. To top it off,I called #2 today to wish her a good trip and she was so clueless asking me if I had fun and how great it was that her boy toy came and that all had so much fun together blah blah not even thinking once how painful that whole situation might be to me. The good news is I have seen life without them and it is healthier and much more fun. I came home and had this revelation: If you try hard enough, anyone with practice can become the bitch - but not everyone can be the genuine, good person, even with hard work and practice. I am proud to be the good, nice one. Why I ever was ashamed of that I will never know - but it was a great lesson and I am thankful for all the pain those crackies caused. Don't get me wrong - my talons have been sharpened in the few months since I arrived - and I expect that I will get more cut-throat in what I accept and don't accept in my life. But through all of that editing - I will remain my truest and best self - and fuck anyone that doesn't understand or respect that!

Jerry Garcia was right!

Jerry used to say that every once in a while he needed to blow out the pipes. Unfortunately for Jerry, he lost sight of the "once" part and blew himself right into a mortal coma - may he rest in peace. So after a weekend of debauchery I am back to myself - in a happy mood - wanting to be healthy and social. Nothing like a little Vegas to blow out the pipes! I am saving all the salacious stuff for my column, but I will say that I met five great girls and if you have to go to Vegas - having men buy you and your friends magnums of champagne is the way to do it. This year I have had the luxury of experiencing the whole VIP table/bottle service thing (they don't have this in Buffalo) and I have to say that if you can afford the out of control price gauging on the liquer - it sure is a great way to party. On the man front - ghosts of October seem to be coming back to haunt me even though I have put that month and all of its craziness behind me. DT texted me the other day to see what I was up to. I told him that I was going to Vegas and he got excited and asked me if I wanted to meet for coctails when I returned. He then proceeded to check in on me to see if I was having fun (as did my trainer to see if I had worked out) and when I told him about some of my adventures - he was very impressed. Then today at work when I was about to walk into a meeting Mr. Yom Kipper calls me at work...how the hell did he get that number? He hasn't called since he texted me to break our date last month after I saw him out with that other woman (see previous posts for the dirty details.) I told him I was busy and he mumbled something about how he had been in London for a while and was leaving tomorrow for a month in Cuba. I told him to have a good time and that I would see him next year. My guess is that he lost my number or something and had to call directory assistance for my work number since my cell phone isn't listed. Men - whatever. OK - I am off to shower and meet the crackies at the bowling alley for a drink. I can hear you all saying "Those girls are bad news", but #2 is a sweetheart and is leaving for a month in a few days and I haven't seen her since skinny-dipping at The Standard and partying at the dt loft. The only issue is that Pstz will be there as well. Nothing like the whole fucked up sexual circle getting together for one more uncomfortable night out (oh well - I am always the only one that ever seems to feel the discomfort.) I promise to fill you all in on it later. I found out that I might be going back to Vegas on Sunday for a few days to shoot a pilot....crazy world - crazy week. na-na

An ear to the enemy...

I wanted to post this the other night, but never got a chance. On Tuesday I went to the gym and on the way there I was trying to find some new radio stations to break up the monotony of my drive home. I found this Jesus station that was having a call-in conversation about a US Representative that wanted to swear his oath on the Koran instead of the Bible. Fascinating - they actually structured an hour of radio time on this subject. They had a Christian lawyer call in and confirm to the shock of the DJ that it is actually within the framework of the constitution to allow someone to make an oath on anything they want since the Bible is not mentioned at all. Wow. So then people were calling in and telling this guy whether or not they thought it was hurting the culture of this country having someone swear an oath on the Koran....warning - what I am about to tell you is actually true....a young girl called up the show and was very passionate about her belief that this act was very very wrong and was bad for our country. "How can he do that" she stated. "Right now our nations are at war with each other." Now I have to give the DJ credit here - he said "What nation exactly are we at war with" and she responded "Well, the nation of Islam." To which he replied "well, you know Islam is not a nation." She backtracked and he realized that he had made a mockery of his show by having her call in and made some comment about how it was a war of ideas blah blah blah - but here is the scary thing....Islamic nations (there is a difference thank you) are stating that we are at war with Islam - we say "No, we are at war with terrorism." but the message is quite clear when young, ignorant Americans are on the same side of the argument as defensive Muslims. I am sure it was a lot funnier (in a dark sense) when you heard it directly on the radio, but I hope you get the idea here. What a shame that so many people in this country are so afraid of anything different from themselves. When the lawyer and the dj were speaking they both seemed open to the idea that a politician could swear an oath on the Koran, but then they added that they pray that he finds Jesus. That is not what the fucking constitution is all about - and if they knew anything about Islam, they would know that he already has, as one of the prophets along with my man Moshe. This country is founded on the fallacy of religious freedom - where a group of persecuted peoples travelled and risked disease, starvation and the guilt of torturing and infecting beautiful, indigenous cultures so that they could practice their form of Christianity freely.

OK - I am going to stop my rant now. I guess I should go do some work.

Have a great day - feel free to comment - hope I didn't offend anyone. This is what happens when you work in a small room everyday with no one to talk to.

Na-na

dangerous curves ahead

Hey there -

I know I haven't written in a while - and I apologize although I am never quite sure if anyone is even reading this blog until you complain that I haven't been writing! So the boss is out of town and I have the cluttered, claustrophobic office to myself for a few days. Life has been stressful. I am pretty much convinced that I am in a dead end job with few redeeming qualitites (although I do get to do my laundry!) and it is time to get out. Today I made a few emails and calls to the skeleton crew that makes up my contacts and I am putting the word out and keeping my eyes open. Just having the knowledge that I am possibly going to be making a change in my professional situation gives me an added kick to my step. I forget that I have the power to change that which makes me feel powerless (aka my job.) So I am going to get aggressive and find a situation that suits me a little better. A job where I work with someone besides myself - where I don't have to worry about the IRS coming after me, where I get paid enough to pay my bills and maybe once in a while buy a new pair of underwear or get my eyebrows waxed - you know the little things. I like to work in a place where I am challenged, given feedback and see that there is some kind of light at the end of the tunnel - that I have something to work for - not just put my enegergies and talents into the black hole that seems to be this particular production company. I love my boss - she is smart and sweet, but she isn't hungry enough for me - or focussed enough on the things that I am focussed on - like making movies. Anyway I am probably not going anywhere for a while, but I feel better knowing that I am taking the step forward to make myself happier.

Thanks for listening to me rant....going to Vegas this weekend - so excited - will definitely fill you in on that later. Thanks to all of my mommy friends for sending me pics of their kids from the holidays - their aunt na-na misses them very much.

Have a great hump day.

Na-na

Feel The Peel

So I was sitting at home feeling sorry for myself since I am having probably the most depressing Thanksgiving holiday EVER - but then I decided to take my bike to the shop for a tune up and a bike lock. I love my bike - probably more than a person should love their bike, but I haven't ridden it since I moved here because #1 I was afraid of the hills and #2I don't have a lock so I couldn't actually take my bike anywhere and leave it. It is a very cool bike and any sane person would be tempted to take it - even me had it been left unattended. So I made my way up and down the hills - wasn't too bad and then navigated down Hollywood blvd - past the 101 exits and entrances and onto the the boulevard where the walk of fame starts. I felt like a bad ass - guys on their choppers were giving me the nod of acceptance and I was mowing down tourists as they had their heads down staring at the stars which bore names of folks I was sure they had no recollection- which was the most fun! Last night I stayed home (no friends here, no car) and watched old movies - I watched Sabrina -totally outdated, but I love the clothes that were designed for her by that French designer whose name is escaping me - but her gown for the garden party is my wedding dress - in my next life. Anyway she mentions that she needs to be in the world and of the world instead of just observing the world and that is exactly what I did. Plowing through the tourists I felt like I had become one of the attractions on the boulevard - a local freak and I liked it. I got to the bike shop and there were some cute tattooed boys working there. I made an appointment for next Saturday and they hooked me up with a bike lock (that isn't easy to operate, but I will figure it out.) It turns out that one of the hard looking bike shop workers spent two years at Tokyo Disney working as Prince Charming - he tells me that he doesn't admit that to a lot of people - I have a way of getting the deep dark secrets out of cute boys....so I took off with my i-pod on and went back to my house and drank a glass of lemonade. So I don't have any plans this weekend while everyone else is running around having a great time seeing lots of people, or having romantic getaways in Tahoe or Mexico. This is my life - it is what I make of it and nothing is going to happen if I stay on the sidelines feeling sorry for myself. Well my mechanic just called and my car is ready. I am going to hop back on the Peeler and go to the bank machine to pay the guy in cash and then hope that I can fit the bike in the car once I get there. Life is good. There is always a corner - even in the darkest and narrowest of alleys. Na-na

bipeds rule!!!!!!!!!

So, while you are all shivering and having fun in the great white north - I am luxuriating in the sultry sunshine of Los Angeles. Sounds good right??? Well as I was on my way to the gym today my car felt funny and then just stopped. Luckily I was able to pull it into a little mechanic station where a kindly older Armenian gentleman said he would do some diagnostics to see what was wrong. I just got my oil changed and they said it was fine. I think the bad voodoo came when I got a letter in the mail from Toyota/Lexus warning me to watch out for an oil sludge problem. I am not sure if any of you are aware, but this is not a walking city. This is a driving city, a city full of cars and people who love their cars, wash them once a week and spend ridiculous amounts of money making them look all tricked out and super cool. I admit that I don't give my cars enough lovin as I should, but that is no reason that my supposedly reliable Toyota should give out on me at only 46,0000 miles. I made the long trek home down Fountain (not exactly Rodeo drive) about 2 miles- and had to quickly turn around and walk into the village to meet my coffee date. Somehow I managed to jump in the shower for a minute to wash the sweat from my long and brisk walk only to sweat again walking into the village so I wouldn't be late. I love to walk. I love to drive too - In fact I had this grand plan that tomorrow I was going to take my car and drive somewhere like Santa Barbara or Ojai...now I am not even sure if I will have my car for Monday and if I will be able to afford to fix it. Meanwhile all of my friends are out of town or otherwise occupied and I am here sort of stuck in my little house for the rest of the weekend. I guess I could go on a solo bar crawl and check out the neighborhood haunts, but where would that get me exactly? Tomorrow I am going to take the Lemon Peeler out for a spin and try to find a bike lock so I can use it as my means of transport. I will also have to call my boss and let her know that I may not be able to make it into work on Monday - or worse I may have to rent a car. This sucks. In the positive side, the guy I had coffee with was very nice - Hope you are all enjoying your holiday weekends. Thank your car next time it gets you where you want to go. I certainly wasn't grateful enough for mine.

Na-na

It can't all be rainbows and lollypops

Hey everyone. It is the day before Thanksgiving eve and I am very sad. I remember back in the day looking so forward to the Wed. before Turkey day, when I would go to the hockey game with my family and then later on get stupidly drink at some cheesy bar like The Steer. Now I am looking forward to a session with my new trainer and coming home to my little house trying to distract myself with the fact that I am not home with you guys and it sucks. Don't get me wrong - I am glad that I moved here - but at times like these I feel trapped and there is nothing I hate worse in this world that knowing I am missing out on a party - let alone four. I don't want you to feel sorry for me - and I certainly cannot afford to start thinking about what ifs and regrets. I have to believe that there is a reason I am here - a reason that I gave up my house that I loved - a job that I liked a lot - even though it was eating me up inside and all of you - the biggest sacrifice of all. You say you miss me - and I believe it - I do, but you all have your own families - jobs, lives, children and I am here alone with nothing but the ghosts of you, your hugs, your pep talks when I was feeling down - the lady vibe dances when we were all on and just those nights sitting around someone's family room laughing until 2am. There are some of you who are reading this that I cannot remember not knowing and I have to remember that those things are what is real in this life and not necessarily everything that I am chasing (in slow motion it seems.) Sorry to be such a downer - but this blog is a thermometer for my life....

Anyway - I will probably write again before the weekend, but in case you are not checkng your emails etc....just know that I am thinking about you and wishing you all a happy Thanksgiving. When you are all getting together and toasting - drink one for me will ya? And make it the bubbly!

Love - Na-na

See and be seen

Today after dropping off the El Salvadorian nanny at the bus stop I actually took myself to the gym. This time when I drove her home I made an effort to make conversation since my boss talks to her like she is a five year old idiot. Even though I am not sure she gets everything I say, I try to make it a point to talk to her like the adult that she is. I told her about YK and his date - she thought that was funny and later when I pointed out the woman putting on make-up in the car in front of us she said "meybe she es goin on date wit yur booyfrint!" That was precious - see what the boss is missing out on by treating her like a lesser human? Funny shit. Anyway I know I haven't been to the gym as often as I should - in fact I pretty much took the entire month of October off - partying on school nights or recovering from school night shenanigans. So I screwed up my pride and walked in. My gym is pretty fancy and most of the people that work out there are beautifully sculpted gay men and very skinny, toned women with funny hair. I do not fit in, but usually I hide behind a giant pole with some free weights and a ball and no one looks at me or bothers me. Tonight I was in my usual spot and in the reflection of the window I saw the guy that was directly behind me - he was an Asian punk rocker who had on a camouflage tee shirt and ripped jeans. He was sitting on the floor listening to his i-pod and lazily lifting a five pound weight with his right hand (or left it was a reflection) and in the other holding his phone and yammering on with someone. It was a very funny sight. On the other side of him was a very cut guy in a blue tank top that was twirling and doing what looked to me like some funky modern dance moves - or synchronized swimming without the water right in the middle of the stretching area. Here was a guy that was very comfortable with his masculinity. He would twirl and then check to see who was watching him - twirl and check, twirl and check. I was doing my little routine where I squat on the ball and then do a lift thingy with the weights for fifteen reps and then do a set of thirty-fifty ab thingies in between each set. I don't think anyone is watching me do this (plus I am hiding out in the farthest reaches of the gym) - I am sure they look at me, but they don't see me. First of all, I am not going to go have anal sex with them in the steam room and second, I don't have that gym bunny look that the heteros go for. This allows me to get in and get out (ok I guess that works for the steam room guys too!) without too much hassle. But there is a whole group of people who go to the gym just to have people look at them. Actually tonight I caught this guy rubbing his nipples with oil as he was watching the hot guys do laps in their speedos - it was pretty funny. I don't think it is just the gym though. Like the Asian punk rocker in the jeans - there are so many people in this city that are desperate to be seen. Every waitress, Starbucks barrista and car wash attendant is hoping that someone is going to see them and make them famous. The stench of desperation oozes out of every corner of this city. Everyone here is covered in tatoos - why is that? Why have a purple Mohawk and ink all over your body? Don't tell me it is to be unique - yes perhaps but uniquely noticeable. It is such a large city and people are so spread out and separated from each other. The irony is as much as we are all desperate to be seen, everyone is afraid to look around at the other people around them. No one wants to be caught looking - to be the one who is doing the seeing. Leaving this colorful town open for my voracious eyes. I see it all. I look at everyone while I hide in the corner until it is my time to come out.

More than a coincidink

First - let me thank those that responded to my now deleted post with what I thought was a very funny letter but which in reality - according to my readers was a painful, pathetic glimpse into my sorry, romantic history. This is a new chapter so I have decided to look forward...

On to the story - you know, one of the reasons that I think my writing career is going to take off (yes I am expressing positive optimism here - keep your seats) is because in my world - there is ALWAYS a story. This particular story goes in the "you can't make this shit up" category. OK so you already know that Mr. Yom Kippur is a bit of a freak - and if you know me at all - you know that this doesn't ever stop me from liking a guy :) OK so he mentioned on Friday that he was going to call me on Sat. to make plans for Sunday. He didn't call. No big deal. I had plans with a girlfriend and she was kind enough to make the drive from Brentwood all the way to the LF. We had visions of swing dancing with cute boys at the Derby, but when we got there - there was a group of high-school looking kids outside and they were charging a $15.00 cover to go hear some crappy bands...now that I am watching my pursestrings I have to just say no to bad music - especially if it costs $15.00. So we hightailed it out of there and started walking down Hillhurst...hmmmm for you Buffalo folks it is kind of like Elmwood, only cooler. We stopped in one place and had a drink and then I wanted to show my friend the awesome little Brazilian wine bar that pstz and I went to on our date. We got a table in the back and got some great wine reccomendations from the friendly owner. The two of us were sharing stories and having a good laugh when who should walk into the restaurant but Mr.YM and his date! They were walking right towards our table and sat down at the little two top that was immediately to our right. I, being the totally cool woman that I am got out of my seat, gave him the European two kiss and said "How funny to see you here." He mumbled something and then introduced me to his date and then I introduced them both to my friend - whom he had actually met before, but my brain was working double time on cool mode and it didn't register. The funny thing is that after I watched (and really liked) his movie - I pictured myself seeing him again and right away grabbing him and kissing him for real - since our first one really sucked. I thought I would put the passion right on the table since he seems to like to leave that option open with everyone he meets. I thought of all the things I wanted to tell him about his movie - questions about his directing choices - especially the sparse soundtrack. I wanted to give him all kinds of notes on the screenplay he emailed me and talk to him about the sex scenes, but the minute I saw him there - all dirty and scruffy and wearing the same ugly vest (I thought it looked cool on Wed.) all those fantasies just flew out of my head. I looked at his date and she was so gross - how could he go out with me AND her - it just didnt make sense. My friend and I were both super cool and just went right back to our convo. When we left I sad goodbye and kissed him on one cheek and patted his back - almost as if to say - nice work buddy - do you know the pat I am talking about??? Outside I lost it - couldn't believe that had just happened. The question was..would he call me today after that? I decided with my friend's agreement that if he didn't call today he was an asshole and that was it - I would never see him again. I woke up late this morning and wrote my first article for the webzine (don't worry it wasnt about ex boyfriends from hell) and went for my weekly hike. When I got back I noticed a text message from him that read "Hey, my friend(u met) came last night and is staying til tomorrow it seems. Kind of got mild guest syndrome so I'm not integrating tonight..YK" What the fuck is that - not integrating??? There is something missing from this picture - he said he couldn't do Sat. night - which meant he already had plans and that his friend was coming today. Anyway -it sounds fishy. He will not be getting a return text or an email and definitely not a phone call. Onward and upward. Happy Sunday. na-na

A smile before my morning coffee.....

I feel like I have to share this with someone - so why not all of you? This morning I had a hard time getting out of bed (could it have been all the Beaujolais Nuveaux I drank last night? Anyway I gave myself a generous oh....six minutes to get out the door and threw on what I deem as the most comfy - aunt flo is n town kind of work outfit: vintage grey wool skirt - black boots, a black sweater (just found out it is going to be 80 today oops) and some pearls - the same ones from the Viper Room - wanted to test how well they went from Rock and Roll to Prep. I threw my hair back in a half ponytail and headed out - I pulled into the coffee bean on Fairfax because they have the easiest parking lot in town and headed to the door. On my way in there was this handsome guy in baggy jeans and a tee shirt - very I live in a cool house in the hills and walk down here to get my coffee kind of way. Anyway as I was moving towards the door, he got up from his seat where he was drinking coffee and talking on the phone - I figured he was going inside for something. He opened the door for me, I said thank you, but then here is the kicker folks: He walked back to his table. He walked BACK to his table - he was only getting up and moving across the patio to open my door. I was shocked. I figured it must have been the pearls! After I got my coffee I walked back to my car and looked up at the patio - he was sitting there looking at me - I sort of have smiled, but then giggled to myself and beamed most of the rest of the way down sunset.

Have a great Friday everyone.

Na-na

The end is near....

OK - so he called. Mr. YomKippur picked me up and we went to this cool Tapas restaurant - Snakes and Matadors or something - right on H-wood blvd. Very cool place and as soon as we walked in there was a 7 foot tall host who was particularly bitchy. I told him we didn't want to sit right next to another party and he looks right at Mr. YK and says "You're going to have trouble with her tonight" We laughed it off and then sat at our own section - meanwhile a few minutes later a party of two came and when they were joined by their friend she ended up sitting practically in my lap..so much for personal space! He ordered the cheapest glass of wine -even after the waitress said she wouldn't drink it if it was the end of the night of heavy drinking and I ordered the $10.00 glass - hey I'm all about good wine and was willing to pay for it if need be.

Let me rewind. It has been over a month since he showed up at my house and the picture of him on his website is so small it is hard to see what he looks like, so I was nervous-partly(I must admit) because when he called me on the phone on my way to work - his voice sounded all high and girly - not exactly a big turn on in my book. I walked down to the gate and he was on the phone and didn't even watch me come down the steps in anticipation of being in my presence (is that requiring too much from my date?) He looked scruffy and thrown together - but still pretty good lookin. He made a comment on my fancy outfit (I went with my boobalicious silver dress over black pants with my grandmas multiple pearl choker and great vintage high heels.) He drives a beat up BMW - which I think is kind of sexy in an I don't care what you think of my ride - I'm an artist kind of way.

Back to the restaurant - we are having fun and not really looking at the menu - which is eclectic tapas for sure - much more authentic I think than Toro - sorry. I am flirting with the waitress more than he is - which is fine since he was being kind of an ass about the wine so I was trying to make nice. He ordered for us - which I think is sexy - I like a man that takes charge at the dinner table - it is a precursor to other places where he may take charge! We ordered grilled octopus and a beet salad, sardines(he insisted on eating my head to be a gentleman - isn't that cute?) and some baked goat cheese. It was fun - he ate most of the food and I just leaned over to listen to his stories and let him bask in the glow of my fabulous breasts in my lucky bra!

After dinner we went to the Viper Room where his friends from Toronto were playing - their band was pretty good - and during the whole thing - he was regaling me with tales of conspiracy and corruption. This guy had soaked in every conspiracy on the net and taken it to heart. We were talking about Armageddon and it was starting to creep me out. We did spend a lot of the time sneaking looks at each other and smiling and having some laughs at the other bands. The guys right after his friends were so horrible - everyone was standing there slack-jawed and the drummer stood up, stopped drumming and gave everyone in the audience the finger and said "Fuck you assholes!" They were a pretty angry bunch for people who were smoking some stanky ass weed behind the curtain before they went on stage! When we went downstairs there was a hermaphrodite in a Russian sailor hat playing the acoustic guitar and singing in falsetto. It was time to leave. When we passed by the Apoctolypto billboard on the way home he mentioned how the Mayans and the Incans both ended their calendars at 2012 - giving us little more than five years left before the whole shit hole goes up in flames (JM). It was a lot to take - tales of pedophilia and abuse - intense to say the least. I almost wanted to shout - time is running out - take me with you on your travels - lets go around the world and just be naked together screw our careers! But I just sat there in the car as we sat in my driveway and nodded in awe. By 1:30 I was tired and said so. I opened the door and leaned in for what I thought was going to be a peck on the cheek - he turned and gave me his lips, but it wasn't magical like I thought - just a peck. Very demure. Better that way I think since he abhors LA and wants to go back to London. I am back to my pg self and it sure feels a hell of a lot better the next day than being a whore! Today he emailed me a screenplay of his - I am well aware that for him I am more of a contact than a love interest - but last night at dinner he told me that he likes to leave the possibility of passion open with everyone and if it sticks, it sticks. The script was a love story set in Paris - to me it was more about a shared, shallow lust between three different couples, but maybe that's just me. It was still hot. He asked me to write some notes on it. Crossing the line? Who knows - we're all going to be dead in six years anyway so who cares? na-na

Feeling like myself

Good Morning peeps!

This morning I woke up before my alarm and decided to stay up instead of going back to sleep and then having 10 minutes to get dressed and out the door like I usually do. I put in my new Deep Banana Blackout cd from Sharon (thanks love) and boogied around my house for a while. For those of you who have never listened to this band - you owe it to your ass to get yourself a copy of Rowdy Duty or even better one of their live shows. (I would recommend the ones I sang at but you know...) anyway feeling funky, (obvs) I put on my favorite hat of the moment, my sevens, an off the shoulder gold sweater and my brown kicks and headed out the door with the second cd - ready to get down in the car. I usually listen to NPR on the 49 minute drive down sunset blvd. to the Mans where I work or maybe if I am feeling frisky 103.1 -which can be fun. This morning, the sun was especially bright - the sky a little bit bluer and I turned the tunes up, rolled down my windows and opened up the sunroof. When they covered P-Funk's "Coming Round the Mountain" I was full on dancing, pumping my fist, singing at full lung power while moguls rolled by being driven in their Bentley's - smoking cigars and countless numbers of metro-highly coiffed men drove by in their Porsche convertibles. But it was me in my dirty little Toyota that was in charge on the boulevard this morning. I had forgotten how much music can set me free and make my soul feel complete. I decided that I was going to make an effort this weekend to see some live music - just as I was passing The House of Blues - a fun venue. I craned my neck around to see who was playing tonight and there it was in big black letters : Kevin Federline! I laughed and then looked to see who was playing tomorrow and right underneath Fed-ex was the band Hello-Goodbye. I laughed to myself at how apropos that was for good ol' Kevin. I hope he bows out gracefully. As for me - I walked into the house and the El Salvadoran nanny took one look at me and said "Na-na yu ahr luukin so saxy dis morning!" Well - at least she noticed. :) Have a great day. Na-na

Big wheel keep on turning....

The only thing that happened with my love life today is that I emailed DT about biz stuff - tried to make a joke about the texting thing and he replied with "settle down na-na." Does he think he can get away with telling people to settle down? Oh no, what an asshole. There are so many other assholes in this town to spend my time on. The problem is usually when I reconcile with this fact - THAT is when he will call and be all sweet - he has a radar built in or something. Honestly I think he has tired of his little games with me and it is done -I know I am at least. Tomorrow I am supposed to be going out with Mr. Yom Kippur. I call him that because he was delivered to me by G-d on Yom Kippur. You see, I was in temple confessing my sins and thought to my self "self, you have been so wonderful, so generous and caring this year, there really is nothing to repent for. Why not mulit-task and use this time to ask G-d what you really want....a man - a real man - a good man - my besheret (soul mate for my shiksa friends.)"

Later that night I was hosting a break the fast (can I just mention how good my noodle kugel was? - Jess? - you would have been proud.)Anyway there is a knock on my door and when I opened it - there he was. GORGEOUS. I thought he might have the wrong address or something but it turns out he was a friend of a friend who I randomly mentioned to stop by if he didn't have other plans. The twenty other people squeezed into my little house seemed to disappear - it was just him and me and i kept trying to shake it off and be a good hostess, but he was following me around (a little bit I think) and kept trying to engage with me. At the end of the night he gave me his biz card - said he was leaving the next day for a month and that we should keep in touch. After a few short email exchanges here and there he emailed me and said he was back. So tomorrow night we are supposed to see each other again and in the meantime I have had all this crazy shit happen with these different men that has certainly put me in a different position than the starry-eyed dreamer that was serving up milchiks just over a month ago.

My prediction is that he is going to blow it off (like he did last week - yes this is a resched.) or cancel. Part of me is scared that 1) he only wants to hang because of my job or the dreaded 2) he'll have remembered me differently and not be attracted when he sees me again. I know - I'm beautiful right - so if he doesn't see that from the inside out he is a schmuck and I should be worried if I like him not if he likes me because to be honest there is a bit of the old S. in him - a bit too out there - like going off for a 10 day meditation retreat where you don't speak a word. I'll be sure to let you know.

For those of you that are actually enjoying reading about my pathetic life....I will be writing for a brand new webzine that is coming out in January some time. When that happens I promise to put the link in the blog. In the meantime - feel free to forward this link to your female friends and make some comments....AND if you have any suggestions for topics for my column let me know - I signed on to do a three times a week thing and I want to keep it fresh and interesting.

Na na

Guilt

Well, it had to come sooner or later. I meant this blog to be just for a few girls you know - a way to blow off some steam and keep you in the loop of my crazy adventures in a way that wouldn't blow through all of my minutes. The thing is, it has gotten a little bigger than I origianlly projected and I feel bad about the Crackies. For the record, I would like to say that never in all of my blogs have I once exaggerated when describing their antics - in fact, I think I have been conservatively generous in downplaying what crackheads they really are. Why? Well number one reason is that I am a nice person and two being that there is something endearing about both of them. #1 is the id to my ego. She is a hedonist and is out only for her own pleasure with no remorse, or care as to how her actions affect others. I have of course not seen her or really talked to her since she slept with Pstz and usurped my little 23 year old photographer-oh I was supposed to say something positive about her. #2 is really sweet, if not completely clueless. She is smart and sassy and cool with a great sense of style and what I think is a very admirable sense of self love and admiration on a scale that I can only dream about! I feel badly about exposing Pstz possible Herpes infection since I am not really supposed to know about it (it would have been a nice thing for him to say something before he put his (sheathed) dick inside of me.) I even changed the spelling of his name so it wouldn't be too obvious who he is.

Bullshit.

That's right. A writer writes. A writer writes what they know. If people are going to shit on me or near me I am going to write about it and I am going to stand up for myself in the process. I have been trying to imagine what I would say to them if they discovered this blog and I figured I would ask them "Have I lied? Have I said anything that wasn't true?" How could they possibly respond to that? I haven't told you their names have I or given you their myspace pages or posted pictures of their asses hanging out of their alien suits? - no. I have been discreet - respectful and honest in my retelling of the many fucked up things that they do. The bad news for you readers is that I am not sure if I can really hang with these girls anymore - I have stopped seeing them for two weeks straight and I feel healthier and more focussed on my career than I have in over a month. Those who know me best, can attest that I don't do well with absolutes; so it probably isn't the end of me and the crackies, but hopefully it is the end of me letting them get the best of me.

Na-na

Texting Dilemma

My new friend K keeps telling me that I need to relax. Ha! I have been trying to do that since middle school - not sure I am going to have a miraculous change and suddenly be cool. That is one of my biggest problems with guys - I don't know how to be cool. If I like a guy I tell him, if I want to hang out I call (this I have been doing a LOT less of lately.) Here is some evidence that has a surprising turnaround at the end:

As I mentioined in the last post - Dirty Texter (we'll just say DT) blew me off on Friday, and even though I had a great time with C, I was still bummed. I didn't want to let that go for some reason and thought I should tell him what a shit he was - but in a cool way of course! Ha. OK so I texted him the following message: "next time just let me know it isn't going to happen, ud do that for a friend right?" Being the new and improved me, I saved it and called K to go over the text with her to make sure I wasn't making an ass out of myself. grrrrrr K wasn't picking up and I had to call my friend 'Doc to check in about his b-day party. While on the phone I asked him what he thought -he was like "whatever - go for it." In his defense he was wrapped up in the Sabres game - and yeah, he's a guy. So, fueled by the go-ahead by a real male species I sent it off.

Dontcha know that two minutes later the phone rings and it is K - "what's up?" I tell her about my dillema and what I wrote. One of the reasons that I love K so much is because she is bluntly honest - a rare quality in this town. So in her honesty, she told me I had made a huge mistake and that it showed him I was holding on to this and thinking about him and his actions the next day. I got a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach and got so mad at myself. Why do I sabbotage everything? - although in truth, what was I sabbotaging? - we don't even have a friendship at this point - really - but that's hindsight. I asked her to lie to me and tell me something to make me feel better. She did a great job coming up with something to calm me, but I was already over the edge. I munched on a 1/2 a cookie on the way to Manhattan Beach and decided to just have fun. I was wearing the funniest outfit - definitely more Los Feliz than M-Beach - those people are creepy pretty down there. I got to Doc's and our friend Chuck was there so we took off after a very intense game of rock, paper scissors (which I conceded after the first round because it took us twenty tries for one of us to lose.) :) So I am the driver - for the way there at least and I check my phone and there it is - a message from DT. My stomach lurches "Oh shit." I close my eyes, hold my breath and push send to view the message; ready for something resembling - " You are a psycho bitch please stay out of my life." BUT instead what I saw shocked me to the core - I was left speechless - I know that is so hard to believe....here is what he wrote: " So sorry! I totally fucked up. Please forgive me. Na-na - you're right" I am going to save that one forever. At fist I wasn't sure if it was sarcastic, but I think my message actually got through. I like this new me that stands up for myself when people treat me like shit. AND to top it off - I did not text him back - aren't you proud?

grrrrrrr

This one is for all of my girlfriends who are married with kids and feel like they miss the life of the single girl. After reading this one - you will feel much more satisfied with your lives - I promise.

Last week I may have mentioned how Cracky#1 had slept with Mr. Pstz on wed. and then went on to have a 48hr. bender with Photoboy on Thurs. It turns out that Pboy's parents apparently are very wealthy which motivated C#1 to pursue him in earnest - you know, showing up at his dtown loft, calling him, inviting him over to play with her and C#2....the glitch? (not that her good friend had a date with him just a few days before no that means nothing to this girl) the problem is in the form of her live-in boyfriend. This guy is by all accounts a big old looser (I bet you are confused but that title really fits for all the guys in this story so bear with me.) He is practically unemployed, has no money, has no sense of decency or social graces and lets C1 treat him like absolute shit - talking about all the guys she has fucked or wants to fuck or is fucking right in front of him. Did I mention that he is only 22? I think she is 31, but it is hard to tell. One night they came over to my house and he acted like such an asshole at 4AM that the neighbors called the cops three times! They never showed up because they said it was a domestic issue (so ladies, don't expect the LAPD to come running when your bf is beating you.) This is not my life. No one calls the cops on me - Who are these people? She has not been back to my house since.

So Thursday night I was attending a seminar at SAG which is right near #1's apt. I called #2 to see what they were up to and she informed me that the boys were coming over to #1's apt. (the boys being pboy and his handler who is #2's new boy toy.) After my seminar, I was going to stop by the apt and say hi - show them how cool I was and that I didn't care about #1 and pboy being together -because I am soooo cool (did I already mention that?) But when I called #1 - she was in her car and when I asked where they were going, C#1, who had Pboy in her car slurred her words telling me how drunk she was (and driving!) and how she didn't know where they were going and that I should call #2 since she is "so much more together than me." I called #2 and she told me that they were on the way dtown to the loft because #1's live in bf was on his way home and they had to get out of there and remove any evidence that they were partying with boys. Of course #1 knew where she was going - she just didn't want me around. Me, left out of a party? I started to pout and then I got angry because #1 is a BITCH and I knew that from the get go, but she liked me and there is nothing better than when you are liked by a BITCH. But now that she has fucked my "leftovers" - she sees me as some kind of competition I guess. Puhleeez - she can have needle dick and Mr. herpes. I don't care how much money people have - if they have nothing to say for themselves or go around sleeping with an entire group of girlfriends they can just keep on walkin'. Anyway, last night I got a call from #2 telling me how much fun they had with the boys etc..(hello? is she totally clueless that I feel horribly uncomfortable about the fact that they are constantly partying with these guys without me after I had a date with one of them and he never called or returned my text?) OK - no. I hear you shush - you don't understand - you think I shouldnt be friends with these girls - but being the marrieds that you are - you have no idea how important it is to have single girlfriends.

One last romantic (ha) update - and please feel free to offer up advice - last time I asked for it no one commented - don't be shy you can be annonymous....OK - on my way into my friend's place to play tennis last night I got a call from Dirty Texter - I was shocked. I thought that after he gave me some prof. advice he would be disenchanted with me - well that is assuming he was ever enchanted in the first place. Anyway he called to check in and see how my convo with the boss went. This was very thoughtful I thought - I told him what I was doing and he got all excited - turns out he also keeps his tennis racket in his car just in case. We just have sooo much in common - ha ha. So he tells me he is having dinner with friends and will call me when he's done - so all night while I am having so much fun with my girlfriend - there is a nagging feeling pulling me down because he isn't calling me - he doesn't call me. And what would I have done if he did call? Go over to his place at midnight and hang? That is not the girl I want to be to this guy. I want dinner, shows, movies - actual events where we go out in public - but it just isnt happening. I have this delusion that he likes me a lot.; that I represent all the things he is afraid of - you know - stability, love, family etc...Even though we have hardly spent more than three nights together (not sleeping or anything, just hanging) I have strong feelings for him. I know he has said "I am a bad guy, you do not want to be with me." That in a very sick way - makes me want to be with him more. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME???? - This is where you guys come in.

Bye Bye Rumsfeld...

With the transition of power in Washington, the feeling of hope is palpable around the world. You can hear the collective sigh from Western Europe all the way on Sunset Blvd. (which was clogged this morning by actors wearing giant bobble heads of Liza Minelli and Jack Nicholson...creepy) The world is poised for change. We expect it, crave it, yearn for it, and for those who have sat heavy on their laurels over the past six years; their worst fears have come true - especially those misogynistic fucks who can't see a woman as speaker of the house!

I know that this political strain is a departure from my regular fare, but the past few days have been so exciting politically that I had to comment. So many of us in LA are working under the assumption that at some point, all of our ass-kissing hard work is going to pay off. We sit in hope that the notes we write on scripts will be recognized, the line we wrote for that sitcom will not get cut or the deal we have been trying to put together for five years will finally come together. The other day my boss equated the chance of the two of us making money on any of our many projects with the chance of us winning the lottery. What? I gave up a great job to work on the 1-1000000 chance I am going to make it? YES. The rewards are so great that it is worth it to wait it out and put irons into as many fires as you can because some day - that glorious door will open. The question is - once the opportunity presents itself and you have managed to convince your constituents to put their faith in you and vote you into office, are you prepared with the skills and strategy needed to set you above the regime that just left, because no one's job is ever safe in DC or LA!

Proof that I can think about other things than boys!

Those in the know - know that many times I live my life by the seat of my sequined pants. Always up for an adventure, I walk into situations that are ripe for observation -something that helps me to get through the less glamorous choices I make. This Saturday I woke up - blankly confused. If I was back in Buffalo I would have gone to kickboxing class at the BAC, but this is LA and I felt so closed in that I stayed in bed out of spite to the work week and gabbed on the phone to my girlfriends to give the big fuck you to Verizon, who somehow lures me into spending all of my monthly minutes weeks before the month is out. For me, there is nothing more anxiety causing and depressing than a Saturday with no plans - day or night. Somehow, because this is my life, I found myself a few hours later in the shower planning my fabulous outfit for a charity event at Hollywood Park - my first horse race. I pulled out my big floppy hat and put together a rag-tag east side version of the Kentucky Derby and headed out the door.


Of course I was the only asshole wearing a hat at the park except for a few older women who have been making regular visits there since the Roosevelt administration. I didn't care - I was up for the adventure - and the free food (I am broke you know.) The little gambler that lives inside my tummy came to the surface and the girls and I put money down on our first race. I usually make it a point not to bet on sports...I would always bet on the Bills and well, that is just an invitation for someone to take your money. Bet with your brain, not your heart my ex used to tell me. How am I supposed to bet with my brain in a sport I've just discovered and know nothing about? I breezed through the pamphlet we received on our way in and looked at the horses names - I figured the best name would get my money. Then I noticed that they list the names of the jockeys in small print on the right hand side of the page. I looked down and saw it - David Cohen - how many of these do I know? It was decided - I would bet on the Jew - plus the horse's name was smokey something so it was a win, win situation. I put two dollars on the horse to place, which meant that if he got 1-3rd place I would at least get my $ back...a safe bet. We scrambled for a good place among the reserved seats and the race began. I kept my eyes out for the white blanket and there he was - little David Cohen in his army green hat and little legs tucked into the stirrups in second place! I screamed and yelled - "Go David, Go Smokey" They were kicking ass and then 1/2 ay through the race, they disappeared from the head of the pack and from the viewing screen. Where was my little jewish jockey? After the winners crossed the finish line - or whatever they call it I saw him struggling with Smokey to finish the race like that Brittish runner in the olympics - only it wasn't Smokey's father that came down to help him out - it was the horsey ambulance and a trailer. David jumped off the horse and walked Smokey over the finish line. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry because we all know what happens to race horses when they go lame on the track.

Men part 1 1/2

I think my wave of men is pushing out with the tide, but hey - you never know! This week's catch wasn't any big thing - literally. Just to recap- Dirty Texter - for some reason I cannot get this guy out of my head. He is someone to be conquered and I am always up for a challenge - even if it is fruitless and the rewards, when they come are unsatisfying at best. We were supposed to hang during the week, be he never called. Then we had this early morning (1:30AM) I'm asleep chat where he told me about french kissing a woman inside another woman's vagina (hot!) and how he liked me just the way I was - as a nice Jewish girl and that I reminded him of his sister ( I thought he only had a brother.) So I keep texting him and we keep not really connecting. He sent me pics of him from the Playboy mansion (no not of THAT!)and he looked so gross. He was dressed up as Gene Wilder from Young Frankenstein and he shaved his beard into a mustache - yuck. All the girls in his pictures looked so skanky and cheap - no wonder he wants me to stay my sweet (ha!) self.


Then there is Mr. Pstz- (you may know him as the guy from the VIP louge.) Here is a guy who is sweet, funny, a good dancer - great ass - but after sleeping together and hanging with mutual friends he STILL does not have my name and # in his cell phone because everytime I call he doesn't know who it is - a sign maybe? OK. I finall broke down and told 1/2 the Cracker posse that we slept together. I HAD to. On halloween Sat. Cracker#2's sister walked into the room and boldly announced that Pstz may have Herpes- because of his skanky ex-wife. They all burst out laughing and I, still keeping this a secret just wished I could dig a hole in the floor and die. I was so uncomfortable and the night was a mess. So the next day when we were actually having fun (see what the happens when you take certain things and people out of the mix) I threw my head into my hands and confessed all to the table and then eventually raised my beet red face and told the girls "tell the truth and shame the devil." Oh yeah - they all cheered me on btw - thought we made a great couple...more on that one later I supppose.

So last night I went to AFI fest with an asst. at a prominent H-wood talent agency and he is pretty - very pretty - so pretty in fact that he told me he used to model while at Columbia - nice right? We had a fun time and really are just friends since I am ten years older and he a young modelly type so he wanted out of there as soon as the movie was over. I was looking sexy though and wasn't ready to go home so I called cracky #2 who informed me that Pstz made some sexual remark to her about me - so now - he knows that she knows - you get the picture. She encouraged me to call him even though we both know Pstz is in love with her - it is the LL/D. Dater syndrome all over again and I am not falling for it twice - please - But I figured - what the hell and the two of us met for drinks. He told me to just drive to Vine and find a bar and he would be there. I did what I was told - I drove to Vine - saw a sign that said coctails and pulled into the parking lot. - The three of clubs - a good enough spot- called him up and told him I found a place and come over to the dive bar on Vine with no name and a sing out front that said "Coctails." How was I supposed to know that there were two of these on the same block!? After a few laps around the bar and wiping away a few ghosts from my last LA lie away, I realized that we were at two differnt bars! The bar he was in (the one that was right in front of my parking spot - btw was great - reminded me of the pink n the Buff - only less crowded. Great DJ dark and dirty with a loft covered in grime and gutted bean bag chairs. Pstz told me that he had his Bachelor party there and we talked, danced, drank and got uncomfortable with each other with a lot of "what?" "I didn't say anything". He talked about how much he liked Cracky #2 - what a tease she was and how there was all this sexual tension between him, Cracky #1, #2 and myself. He suggested we all go out to Lake Havasu and get it all out of our systems. I told him that I thought he was fun and liked hanging out with him - code for - dude, I don't want to marry you - just sleep with you and then he replied with a me too and we toasted to that - oh the old story repeating itself again... I want to be cool with him, but with those dimples it is very difficult. God, I just want to grab him and kiss him at all times, but I have to hold myself back because he doesn't have my name in his phone- he never calls or initiates an email (see a pattern here?)and he loves Cracky #2. Oh yeah, he is also in the middle of a messy divorce and might possibly have herpes! OK so we've ruled out Dirty Texter, Pstz and Model Boy - who in his defense is just fun to look at.

Photoboy. I feel like someone is going to come and arrest me, but then I remember that I am no longer a teacher and it is Ok if I Blanche Dubois it for a little while. Young, young, young man. But this guy is not that kind of prey like Model Boy. He is chubby with a big gut, dresses like a thug, smokes Marlboro reds and has nothing to say for himself (besides the fact that he ranks right up there with The Chestnut as far as size is concerned.) So what/why you ask? Why not - I am on a roll. I haven't hear from him since out date, but I know that he spent over 24 hours straight this week tweaking out with cracky 1&2. Being the me that I am - I texted him a "wazzup" this afternoon and haven't heard back - I don't even like him and I put myself in this position - why do I do that?

Girls - I am not even going to elaborate on boy #4 right now - Mr. Yom Kippur because the truth is - I am a phony. I am not a love em and leave em type. I actually want the guys to stick around and treat me well - you know, care about me. Sat. night Cracky #2 told me that Pstz slept with #1 on Wed. - The night she asked me to meet her out and the night before she began her 42 hour bender with Photoboy - whom I also found out is a manic depressive on Lithium who's parents hired #2's new boy toy to take care of. So I was a little crushed about the Pastease/#1 combo. Sick to my stomache really. I don't want to be a part of that scene anymore. Any advice? More later. Na-na

MEN: Buff VS LA

As my girlfriends from the Buff can attest, there are no available men in the Western New York area. When I say available - I mean intelligent, independent, sophisticated, stylish, fun and sexy men. Sure, there are a lot of pot smoking, beer drinking unemployed loosers who still live at home and consider high fashion khakis and a baseball hat but come on...So here I am after years and years of struggling to find anyone interesting and attractive flooded with male opportunity. At first, I was trying to label each guy I met - placing him in categories of marraige material or not - but I am sooooo over that. I think meeting "dirty texter" helped me get over that - as he aptly stated the last night I saw him that he is a man living in LA and therefore has no need to grow up and settle down. I figured if that is the mindset of the Angeleno male, then why should I grow up and settle down? Can't I be allowed to have just as much fun as the men? HELL YES! So last night I brought #3 home for dinner and a movie. He is only 23 girls, but has a very successful business and is absolutely NOT my type of guy. The perfect specimen for my little LA dating experiment. The hypothesis is: Try to date as many men as possible who are nothing like the men you usually pick (musicians, artists, musicians) and don't let any of them get under your skin. In time, I will be cured of my constant need to take every new relationship to the alter of perfection, only to be devestatingly disappointed by date #3 or month #2, which ever one comes first. We'll see how this works. I am trying to take my head and my heart out of the equation for now and just enjoy it and have fun.

The hair down there...

Since moving to Los Angeles three months ago, I have noticed that it is a city that is very comfortable with its sexuality. There are billboards with beautiful, nearly naked girls giggling and chasing after each other, pulling down each other's jeans teasing you on Sunset Blvd. Women walk the streets with a sense of self (delusion) confidence and show their hard earned/paid for assets with many forms of cleavage-bearing tops.
Now I am not a prude, but I come from a long line of prudes in a community of prudish behavior. One of the things I have been forced to face since making the trek out west is my own sexuality - beginning with the turn at the Spa with my girlfriend in Santa Fe where all the women were bathing naked - except me of course. I felt silly and prudish in my bikini and couldn't help but look at all the beautiful women lounging naked in all shapes and sizes. So what does this have to do with pubic hair? I think admitting that you have pubic hair and that it is something that needs to be maintained, manicured is utterly foreign to me. Where I come from, women whisper about getting bikini waxes and to be honest, I didn't even know what that consisted of until last year when I went through that thrillingly painful experience to impress a lover. Since then and the desert that has been my sex life, I have forgotten about my pubic hair, just like I forget that I have sexual needs and desires that need to be fulfilled, even if I am not in a loving, committed relationship. One night a few weeks ago, I was attending a Moth performance at UCLA and one of the speakers made a joke about how he hasn't seen pubic hair on a woman in years. It hit me, I had been left behind on a major trend in female behavior. I looked around the audience to see many sophistacted, beautiful women throwing their heads back in knowing laughter with the speaker. I felt like I was 12 years old again watching my friends put their training bras on in the gym locker room, wondering when I was going to taste my own growing femininity. I gave a weak ha ha and promised myself that I would think about managing my hair down there sometime soon. The other night I was hanging out downtown, feeling posh in the VIP lounge of some club sipping free champagne with friends. The conversation turned to pubic hair and my girlfriend announced proudly that she shaved it all off and dramatically showed us the process she goes through in the shower. Nothing at all, I asked her? Not a stitch, you don't want your man picking hair out of his teeth - she replied. I looked sheepishly over at the guy who was in our circle who, by the way had just visited that area on MY body only a few weeks before. He was kind about it and said - no, it wasn't all that bad to have hair down there. I was thrown and worked hard to quickly change the subject, but couldn't get the thought out of my mind that I needed to do something, needed to get on the ball, and finally take care of it. Later that night - the boy asked me why I didn't get it waxed or shave it. I tried to explain to him that it was a rare occasion when people actually see this part of me, so why bother? I back tracked and let him know that I would love to be able to maintain it in some way on a regualr basis - you know, once I get settled and everything. He smiled and I turned red and wanted to die. Here was this guy who works with strippers and porn stars, I was totally out of my league. This morning I got into the shower and looked down. It was astounding. It looked like a jungle! I decided that now was as good a time as any and I grabbed my shaving gel and went to town. I worked and worked and after a while, created what I think was a very nice landing strip, mohawk sort of arrangement. I got out and gave it a good trim. After I put on my pants, I decided that I wanted to check it out in the mirror and see how it turned out. I pulled my pants down and then my panties....I looked good. All the sudden I looked sexy down there, like a woman who gets laid all the time and is groomed and ready for sex. Satisfied, I pulled my pants up, smiled at myself in the mirror with pride and hopped in my car where I felt - no lie- at least five pounds lighter!

First time out

Welcome to my blog. I have three months of adventures to catch up on, but now is not the time. Things to think about - staying out all night on a Monday and how that affects my job. Also, post traumatic stress disorder of the "former" teacher: How to live your life no longer under the scrutiny of students, parents and a local Board of Education. The temptation to go wild is strong. I have to admit I have given in and plan to go further into the depths of depravity to test myself and see how far I can take it. Please come along with me for the ride.

Na-na