finally

So sorry to keep you in suspense - but I have been working really long hours and my internet connection has been kind of iffy. So yes - I am sure I was ready to share some dirty family secrets as I delusionally typed away at 5am on monday morning when I got in from FLA but I have to write what happened to me today at work before I forget. OK. As some of you may know (or not since I have been too busy working to talk to anyone) I have been working for a literary agent who is notorious for being a psychopath! The first day I met her she asked me to take her to pick up her dog from the kennel and then drive her home. She proposed to me at the edge of her driveway that night after having known me for only 4 hours (not marriage - job proposal.) On MOnday morning after not really sleeping for a few days I rolled into work and she had an episode...she decided that my desk needed to be clean so she came over and started to throw everything that was on my desk on the floor - first - shoving the items in my face and asking me if I was using them at all. I am a temp. I had been on that desk for four days and had no idea what the other temp did on the Friday I was in Florida so I had no idea what half the stuff was. THen she started to open up all the drawers and throw out the office supplies onto the floor. Saying that I had too many of everything while she mumbled ot herself about the incompetent assistants that had come before me and how they kept too many useless things around. She got to the bag of almonds that I had been living on for a week on the sly and I was in too much shock to ask her to save them. I just stood back and watched her go to town on my desk. At one poing she shoved a box of staples in my face and asked - do you need these? I took her for a sane person so I answered - yes - when the staples run out I will have to refill. Silly me. She shook the box in my face and told me that I could always ask for them when I needed them. She made me put everything in a large pile and call up a runner from the mailroom to fetch them. I tried calling the temp agency to beg them to find me another placement, but they could care less. My recruiter said - "you're getting paid aren't you?" I answered - "WEll, I 'm not working for free." What could I say? I am desperate for cash and I cant start subbing until I pass the CBEST in March. TOday was the top though. It was a quiet morning - she didn't come in or call until 11am - the exact time she was supposed to be in a meeting with a new client and his wife. This client was a child actor and a son of two very famous actors - someone whom I had a major crush on just around the time Goonies came out. I assumed since she is an adult and a smart one at that - she would remember she had this meeting and come to work on time. So she calls at 11. Are the ______ here yet? How should I know - no one tells me anything - I am just a temp and everyone at the agency hates my boss so no one calls and if they have to come upstairs - they call ahead to make sure she isnt in her office before they come up - like I said - NOTORIOUS. Anyway I get the third degree - you don't wait- you find out. So I call up all the talent agent assistants who are all ignoring my calls - Then I instant message them - they are all ignoring me. Meanwhile - psycholady is waiting my answer - finally I hear back - I guess so. That is NOT the answer I need. I need a definitive. I ask - are they in the conf rm? Nothing. The phone rings again - it is P.L. I begin to tell her that they are here - she says "Yeah, yeah I am in the meeting I know - listen this is VERY important. I have not had my coffee yet today - call M(the hispanic guy that works in the garage and gives us our parking validations) and ask him to make me a latte and bring it into the conf. rm- but dont bother calling him because he is never there - you are going to have to walk around and find him. If this was an ordinary office that would be one thing - but this office is a human habitrail - with many flights of stairs - four or five stories - some flights of stairs that don't even lead anywhere. DId I mention that I slept over at my friends house last night and forgot to pack deoderant????And I was wearing giant heels. So I start wandering around at a fast pace - asking everyone if they have seen M. I go down into the garage - no M. I run back up two flights - no M but there is a really cute asst. that walks me around and introduces me to a few of the gayer asst. whom he thinks knows how to make a latte. But they are all bitches and no one will help me out. Go to the mailroom they say(the mlrm pps are slaves) I go - no M no one that can make a latte. They tell me that M is the only one allowed to make the Lattes. I go back down to the garage and I hear an old man calling out his name M? M? So I have a glimmer of hope that he is around. Then a very pretty asian lady says - I will call M for you. I say Oh can you call him for me too? I explain who I am and she says how sorry she is and tells me who she is. I tell her what is going on and she says - too bad - stand up for yourself tell her M wasnt around and drink reg. coffee. But I know better and I am imagining Psycho Lady in the conf rom steam coming out of her ears wondering why her lazy, incompetent assistant cannot do anything right. I picture her pictureing me filing my nails at my desk popping gum and flipping my hair oblivious to the fact that she needs her caffiene in the form of a latte. meanwhile I am sweating up a storm and making an ass out of myself infront of every assistant, mailroom person and receptionist (on a positive note - this has gotten me to meet almost everyone very quickly. Being her asst. makes me notorious too!) So I run into G who has been very helpful although Mommy dearest (psycho lady) pulled his number off my computer and told me never ever to ever talk to him ever!!!! I swear to you that I am underplaying these events. So G says for me to go to Vons and pick up a latte there - he gets one of the talent asst. to call ahead and order - I am to barge into the conf room which has 80% of all the agents, the star, his manager and wife in there (think Entourage when Ari was desperately trying to keep Vince) I am scared to death to go in there - plus I am sweating and by this time smell pretty bad due to the no deoderant thing. I take a deep breath and open the door. I hear a "get the hell out!" It is the former child star I am embarrassed but stay focussed and with pen and paper in hand I explain to mommy dearest that M is out of the building and I am going to starbucks - would she like me to get anyone else anything? No she says. Sugar or cream (I've never ordered a latte in my life and drink coffee black so I have no idea) NO. I am sneaking out the door when Fmrchldstr says "Wait! What's your name?" "Nana" I reply. He stands up and says "Nice to meet you Nana -I'm fmrchldstr." I am smart. Even though I have just been through the gauntlet I have the wits about me to remember why this meeting is occuring in the first place. And even though I am just a temp I tell him "welcome to the agency fmrchldstr" I rock. I sprint down a few blocks to Vons - tell the guy at Starbucks I am the emergency Latte - pay - run back past all the crazy homeless people - they love santa monica and up two more flights of stairs to the conference room. I open the door and place the cup on the table (ha ha her head had to go under my arm for a sec - that'l l teachya!) I am moving backwards out the door when he ssays my name and hello again. Smellier and sweatier then ever - I give him a sexywink and a wave and close the door. I climb up another two flights of stairs to our floor and the other assistants tell me that they got phone calls from the assistants in the loft who asked if I had quit - since they witnessed me storming out of the building. Not a chance. LAdies and Gentlemen, this is just the beginning of my ride. Welcome Back to Hollywood - let the games begin.