Head Spun Round

Good Evening.

First off I want to congratulate Miss N for finally figuring out where she is going to land! Good luck in Chi town - it is a hell of a lot closer to LA than the Buff. Well day three on the job and more confused than ever. This company is ridiculous and there had to be something wrong with a place that cannot keep employees. Yesterday I was in tears - even though the woman I was working for last week called me up and told me that she wanted me to come work for her. #1 I like her a lot as I mentioned before, but right now I have my own office, don't answer anyone else's phones and am getting paid a lot more. PLUS the only reason I was workng in her department was to prepare for this job - which I don't think I even want to do - so why move just to work in a place where I am on a lower rung with less money just because I can have the freedom to dress funky and laugh with friendlier people? Part of me thinks I made a mistake by leaving the psycho bitch since that is more akin to what I want to do, but I was in a massive state of stress and confusion. I am meeting with the lady on SAt. for coffee so I will talk to her about everything then. MEANWHILE - my recruiter left for the weekend before lunch today - the day I was supposed to hear back from HR about money and benefits etc...I know he thinks I am a pain in the ass but how am I supposed to get support from a recruiter who only works three days a week? Tomorrow there are lots of stars coming into record so I get to see the other side of my job. We'll see.

OK so I admit it. I like the cutie and I am sad that he doesn't really like me back. Last night I looked at my phone and saw that he called but didn't leave a message. I was strong - I didn't text or call - which is what I would normally do. He didn't call back today. He is probably on to his next conquest. LAst night I went out with Crackie #1 and pstz. I was sooooo good in the beginning - totally cool with pstz considering he hasn't emailed, called or texted me in a month! #1 has alluded a few times that it is #2's fault - that she is poisoning him against me. Why would she do that? What does she have to gain? Pretty fucked up. Anyway he is soooooo full of sex that it is impossible not to get drawn in - even though he looked bad - really bad last night. AND he was flirting with both of us and as much as I tried to stay above it - I succombed and by the end of the night I was flirting right back. grrrrrrr. It's ok I probably wont see him again for another month.

My trainer has been stalking me and I have been ignoring his phone calls, but tonight he called me drunk from a bar asking me if I wanted to come have drinks with him and watch basketball. Creeeeepy. PLus - I feel bad enough that I am not making it to the gym - do I have to spend my downtime with my trainer that I can no longer afford who is going to make me feel even worse? How do I end up in these sitations?

Did I tell you guys about the Israeli guy that I have been dirty texting with for a while? I don't think anything is going to come of it - but he is going to Coachella
with our little group so it should be interesting meeting him in person.

This Sunday night my new friend from the zine is going to read my cards - I haven't done that in years and feel like I need some kind of guidance. How did I get so off track? Why did I live in such a hedonistic bubble for so long? I hope it isn't too late for me to get my shit together. I feel like I am ten years behind everyone my own age and that Cutie doesn't want to be with me because he thinks I am so far ahead - what am I supposed to do?

Hopefully I will have some good scoop tomorrow as I am meeting - an xfile, a wingman, a boy from the oc and the brother of a funny, fat, dead man.

Later - Na-na